Where you can find me!

It's been awhile... sorry guys, a long while.

And since the last time I wrote in here I found out that I am accepted to go on a missions trip for 11 months to 11 countries. YIKES! I'm am totally unable to wrap my brain around that kind of information, but I'm excited (also scared). 

But the good news is that I'll be able to update you guys along the way via my World Race blog. 
Check it out here -------> http://melissafriesen.theworldrace.org/ Feel free to leave some encouragement or wise words for me as I'll be put in strange and bizarre situations over the next year.

God is so good! Cheers for the journey ahead!

Pictionary!

Let's play a little bit of catch up using photos. 

You're all invited to take part in the future of micro-finance.  An organizaton, near and dear to my heart, is helping the poor help themselves out of poverty.  I hosted a dinner-complete with Colombian food-to shine a light on the incredible work that they do.  See for yourself!

It was my big day earlier this month.  Brunch with the folks, red velvet cake with cheesecake baked in the middle, and a night of dance floor action.  22, you're looking good to me.

A trip with friends to an amusement park, a beautiful beachside town, and a little shopping when the torrential downpour descended upon us (...after we got off the freeway..).  This little number was only $10 at H&M.

What would summer be without some solid cabin time?  I went fishing off the dock a few days ago.  Caught nothing. 

And if I could update you on what I'm doing right now it could be done in one word: OLYMPICS.  Something about inspirational sports stories releases a dragon of emotions inside of me.

Thank goodness for mothers who bake banana bread for their undeserving daughters.

I could smell it, or at least I hoped I could smell it, immediately when I walked in the door after work.  And on the kitchen table it stood in all of its hearty yet delicate shape.  Thanks ma. You the best ma.

And I ended the night reading that Wild book I was talking about earlier, only stopping to grab a chocolate chip cookie and some milk.  I felt guilty for not enjoying the outdoors on an evening free from work, but I just wanted to read in my bed.  Is that so wrong?  I hope not, because I didn't shower either, and I should have.

In summation, carbohydrate laden evenings induce gratefulness.  And I know there's nothing wrong with that.

When the light comes

I purchased a book about a woman's solo journey on the Pacific Crest Trail titled Wild on the same day that I put in my deposit for an 11 month 11 country missions trip.  When the light comes, sometimes it's all that you can see.  A beckoning of sorts.  An invitation to a world unknown.

It's been awhile and now you know why.

I have been feeling pretty blue lately.  The kind of blue in the sky that would be right next to a giant black hole.  "Hey, is that a dark blue or black?  It's so hard to tell."  Ya, that blue.

Well no maybe not that blue but the kind where I'm playing Sodoku (six years after it was cool, I know.  Let me be!) at all hours of the day and night.  I'm texting friends and when they don't respond I get sullen.  "Well they don't really like me anyway, hmmph... HMMMPH."  I'm complaining in my head loud enough so that the universe takes note, and uh, does something about it.

Truth is, I'm a pretty self-absorbed person.  I mean, I must be.  Otherwise, I would continue about my life, maybe even DO things with my life whether or not so-and-so-and-so-and-so (heh..) check in with me or not.  It's a strange thing when you are feeling sorry for yourself and all of a sudden you get a little tap on your shoulder with a note that says, "You're currently wasting your life.  Just thought you should know."

Agaad!! Wake up call!  10:37 AM!  I've slept in!  Life is still moving while I'm lying solitary, and spread eagle on the ground.  Not a good look.

So, I'm still playing Sodoku (the game needs me!) but I'm trying to shove my head under water (figuratively) anytime I get hit with the case of the Negative Nancys.  Those b's are relentless.  Cut throat and always giggling in your ear.  SHUT UP, NANCY!  ALL OF YOU!

Plus I'm reading the Psalms currently so David and I are just on this emotional roller coaster together, holding hands, "WEEEEE"ing at all the high parts and throwing up every time gravity brings us down.

"Can you even mail an airport?!" and other questions I'm asking myself.

So, last week I was in Colombia with Opportunity International Canada on my dad's behalf.  He was interested in the organization (they give mircoloans to clients in developing countries!) and asked if I would go and be his "eyes and ears" to check out the logistics of the system.  Uhh, I was bred to travel, so ya dad.. I'll do you this one favour.

You can check out a little video that I pieced together of the experience right .. about.. here!  Words never really do any trip justice so maybe the video will help my case. It was a short stint in some pretty hot, hot heat.  The people and their perseverance rival any landscape I've seen for most beautiful.  With every inch they've been given (and they haven't been given many) they stretch it into a mile.  They use their resources to the full extent, and turn their problems (a broken shoe) into big time solutions (a shoe making business).  Incredible ingenuity.

And since I've been home I've been processing the trip (as one always struggles to do once thrust back into the world of now, now, now featuring a solid roof and a comfy bed).  And since I've been home I've also managed to write a letter in Spanish (using Google Translate.. can you believe it..) to my immigration officer at the airport (I had the same one arriving and departing! What. Are. The. Odds....) and walked myself to the Canada Post office and MAILED. IT. MAILED IT TO THE AIRPORT IN COLOMBIA. Likely the weirdest thing I've done lately, but kind of liberating.  It was this cool moment where I said to God, "I don't know if he or anybody else is ever going to see this letter, but thank you for prompting me to write it anyway." I don't even know the guy's name, but it doesn't really matter.  It's about pouring out love whether we think it's worth our time or not.  Can I get a witness?

And by the way I've been thinking, I don't really want to watch TV.  I want to read books.  So I think this summer I'm going to forgo television in favour of reading.  I don't ever really feel like I've learnt anything after watching television shows (and I watched hours of them yesterday while I was nursing a toothache on some T3s).  But I'm not going to impose this rule on anyone else.  So if I'm at someone else's house and they turn on the television I don't have the right to forbid it.  This is a personal little challenge.  So consider this my MAY list.  Reading.  No TV.  (I also think I want to fast (you know, from food).  Too crazy?)

And now for some shameful news.

My April list was short.  I had one thing on it.  BE ON TIME (MAYBE EVEN EARLY!) FOR THINGS.  But considering that I'm a month late writing it on here, you can guess how that went.  Ugh.  So I will add that to the May list as well.

1.  No teeevs.  More reads.
2.  Be on time, sucka.
3.  Look into (Biblically and otherwise) what fasting all entails (besides the rumblin' in ma belly).  This whole fasting idea is married to the thought that I'm probs bobs addicted to food.  Not a good thing.  I can't really avoid food for the rest of my life, but I would like to be able to have a healthy relationship with it.  I would like to be able to give it up (for at least a period of time) to focus on what I'm really craving.  

So, that's that then.

A new discovery!

I think I'm addicted to food.  Legitimately.

I think I have an addiction and I think it's food.

This is a scary proposition, mostly because no one ever wants to admit that they're controlled by something but also a little bit because I HAVE TO EAT TO LIFE. But I'm reading a book about food cravings and I find myself biting my lip and nodding frequently when I read every page. "That's me she's talking about. Oh my sweets, that's me."

So, I'm not sure what the game plan is yet.  I mean, how do you recover from a food addiction?  Does one go to rehab?  Should I consider a life long liquid diet? I'm half joking.  But.. seriously.  I think I'm going to finis the book.  And.. go.. from... there?

It's kind of appropriate because I've always said that everyone has an addiction.  I just never bothered to really investigate mine.  Or maybe I just didn't want to explore what be controlling my every day habits like a sinister puppet master? ..who knows.

But this just convinces me even more that we've all got that somethin'.  And consciously or not we submit to it. So we best figure out its name.

I get it, but not really.

Today is International "Day of Pink".  You're supposed to wear a pink shirt to ward off all bullying and discriminating spirits.  

Do not think that I am opposed to ending bullying, but realistically, how does the pink shirt actually do anything?  It's a nice thought, no doubt.  It's about as nice of a thought as spreading around a viral web video about the children in Uganda.  We wear pink t-shirts to ease our conscience.  All the while we probably talked about how "that one girl over there in the hallway reeeeally should have worn a couple sizes bigger pink t-shirt."  We ARE bullies.  From the youngest to the oldest of us.  There are exceptions but we as a people can be vicious to one another.  And we don't really want to change that about ourselves because it's a fantastic protection mechanism and no one is interested in getting hurt!  So we slap on a pink t-shirt and silently announce our alliance to kindness and justice while thinking of how many corporate toes we're going to have to step on and sever before we make it to the top.  Honestly.  

So that's what bugs me.  Our population likes to bring a lot of AWARENESS to things and do not so much about it.  We will be a generation most known for our use of technology and the sound of our voices.  We talk, a lot.  Here I am, blogging.  What will I do about it?  I'm a bully myself.  I know that.  There are situations when in order to make myself feel better I am convinced I must make so-and-so feel worse, much worse.  I need to eliminate the desire to ever make a human being feel like less than made in the image of God.  

That means no gossiping, the most sly of all the bullying tactics.  The one that girls are absolute geniuses at.  That has to start with me (and you) so that maybe we'll have some positive effect on the people around us and that all of our hearts would be inclined to spread joy, not malice.  And it doesn't really matter what shirt you have on when you do it.  Just do it. 

Sometimes your Sunday morning starts with a shot of whiskey.

At least mine did.  Last Sunday.  A bad toothache and a raging desire to try every home remedy that might take the edge off the piercing pain pulsing through my gums (Hello there, literary device.  Nice to see you).  After swishing around the whiskaaay in my mouth for a minute I spit it into the sink.  Call me silly but I don't drink very often and I wasn't prepared to show up to church (..LEAD WORSHIP at church) assisted by some liquid courage.  Just wasn't gonna do it..

 Sometimes that same morning continues with an activity to distract you from the pain, otherwise known as making candy sushi.

The possibilities are pretty endless here.  I've got some Peeps, Twizzlers, gummy worms in these.  And then Eat-More, Reese's, Nutella for the chocolate ones.  I'm so happy with the way they turned out.

Not so happy with the way this turned out. Scraps for days. Yes, that's a decapitated Peeps head you see.

And sometimes, when you finally get to see the dentist they tell you that your mouth is actually full of cavities and you need a wisdom tooth pulled and at least two root canals.  Ohh..


That same week I found out that I would be traveling to Colombia (and not the British kind!) for a few days at the end of April.  I'm surprised and excited and grateful!  Of course I watched "BLOW" (starring Johnny Depp, justsoyaknow!) to prepare myself for life in Colombia.  ... I hope I don't encounter anything that I saw in that movie, just so we're clear.  Drug lords, keep your distance!

But perhaps even more surprising than finding out about Colombia was the check I received in the mail from my previous university.  Money for me? Ya, I'll take it.  And keep it coming why don't you!  It's just a reassurance that God provides.  He looks after us and if he holds the world in his hands, then that means everything in it is His.  That concept will change the way you think about money!

And here are some of the other highlights from last week:

 The cutest napkins made by my cousin!  East meets West at the family BBQ.

 There's something so comforting and right-in-the-world about a game (or twelve) of Dutch Blitz.

 Copy-cake.  I suggested the balloons because it makes me think of "Up!" the movie.  Happy Housewarming with 12 pounds of chocolate peanut butter cake.

 Birthday bash with some of the women on my mother's side.  Please note the Toblerone cheesecake that sits on their plates.  And then look at mine.  Still no sugar for this kid.

 Ok, finally!  Easter Feast-er!  Get in my belly, sugar and wheat!  Simple shape cookies that I brought to the family gathering.  We had a huge egg hunt and my grandpa even made a cryptogram with an Easter message for us to solve.  I figured it out!  Unfortunately, not before my brother did.

And here's Saturday night's accomplishments!  My first ever Paska!  In fact, it was my first time ever making  bread.  Believe it or not, this was not my first time making icing.  And yet...

The Wrap Up

Here's the results of my March madness.

1. Continue cooking more for the famjamily.  Yaaaa, I kind of did this.  I tried to be more involved anyway, like telling my mom to add some Zesty Italian marinade to chicken breasts and adding flavours to make rice more interesting. But I haven't been taking over the kitchen.  I did bake a lot though.  I made my mom's friend's birthday cake, Slutty Brownies, mini raspberry cheesecakes, pumpkin torte, and on and on.
2. Record that "baking" song you wrote last month.  Just for the fun of it. I didn't do this BUT my brother and I did work out an agreement where I film some stuff for him and in exchange he records me.  So, it's happening kids.
3. Read my first C.S. Lewis book.  I'm in the process of reading Mere Christianity and it's incredible!!  Clive Staples was definitely under the influence of simple genius when he wrote (or actually said) this.  It's so down to earth, not height-y flight-y theology that you have to read every sentence five times.  He just speaks so logically; I'm loving it.
4. Take a family Easter card photo and actually send it to people. We've got 4 left people! They're hotter than hot cakes.
5. Go to the retirement home at least one Thursday and sing with the elderly. I'm ashamed to say that not only did I not do this, but I forgot entirely about it.  However, our church is going to sing at the retirement home on Easter Sunday.
6. Clean both dressers, bookshelves, and night table.  I kind of did this.  I cleaned out my clothes dresser which was the most important.  Two garbage bags full o' clothes out of my life!
7. |Send flowers to the secretaries at the high school.  This was the most likely one to not get accomplished but it happened.  I tried to avoid doing it multiple times because I was second-guessing whether or not I should do it(funny how we do that hey?), but one day I just made myself park in front of the flower shop and it was all good from there.
8. Do laundry!  I tried to make a habit of folding laundry and putting it away when I noticed that it was dry. I didn't do it every day but I definitely made an effort.  I also tried to do the dishes when I knew my mom was going out of the house so that she could come back to a clean kitchen.

So, it wasn't a perfect month.  We can add it to every other month I've lived, but I'm enjoying the process!

So that's that, then.

I almost applied to study at Seneca's Documentary Film Institute in Toronto this summer.  I wrote the mini essay, which wasn't really very formal (sentence fragments are my best friends, sorry to my former English teachers).  I finished just as I needed to leave for work so I told my computer not to do anything stupid while I was gone.  But the computer went into that sleep mode where the power is on but it's just a black screen and nothing (no amount or combination of keys pressed) will revive it out its slumber.  So whatever.  The essay deleted itself.  And part of me was angry but part of me was relieved.  Because what I wrote in the essay basically said that I enjoy stories, more intimately the faces behind every story.  And all of the mediums that we use to tell our stories.  I want to be a storyteller.  To narrate (using different art forms and mediums) my story, your story, and the Greatest Story Ever Told*.  That's what I want to do, and why would I need three months of film studies to do that?  All I need is a little bit of courage.

And isn't this the year of being fearless?

What everyone hopes to see when they open their fridge door.

Mm yeah.  Unfortunately, I only get to eat it with my eyes.

Say it with me: Day trip!

I did something stupid.  I also did something awesome!  We'll talk about that first.

I had Saturday off (Happy-Thank-You-to-Mr.-St.-Patrick-For-Driving-Out-the-Snakes-of-Ireland-Day!) and decided, practically on a whim, that I was going to drive to the city for a "day trip!" (Saying things like "day trip" make me feel, somehow, more glamorous.  I suggest you try it!)

Three hours with no iPod.  Sounds promising. (because it decided to freeze while I was updating it that morning!!!! COME ON!).  I went through many horribly mixed CDs from my high school days.

Anyway, I made it.  Had a delicious and deliciously entertaining lunch with my two cousins at a pub.  I peed at least three times while I was there.

Wait.. I meant in the bathroom.  It wasn't THAT entertaining.

We talked about books we've read and insecurities and where to find good flip flops and then I did something stupid.  I said something stupid.

I said, "Maya Angelou says that a woman's hair is her glory, but [the rest of the sentence doesn't matter]."  To which my cousin responds, "Ya, the Bible also says that."  And indeed it does.  I've never read anything by Maya Angelou, so why did I even quote her?  As soon as I said it, I was kind of bewildered.  Since when do I listen to what she says?  (Not that she doesn't have something good to say, but I don't even know because I haven't heard her speak, so whyyyyy do I even know that she said that?)

It was only awkward for me.  No one else questioned my M.A. quote.  It was a very strange moment for me, though.  A reminder to be careful about who I credit, who influences my thoughts.  I could have been kicked out of university for a stunt like that.

The rest of the day was spent on fearing for our lives on the Trans-Canada, gawking at, and still appreciating all of the Mennonite-inspired (maybe not, but certainly Mennonite-esque) dresses in Old Navy, and re-telling the Trans-Canada story to family, all while eating tortilla soup, drinking some wine (mixed with OJ and club soda for me, heh...), and taking in the sunshine.

Beautiful!  Awesome. A little stupid.  And I made it back home in good time and in one piece.  Five deer, still happily frolicking.

Vegetables & Clive Staples

What's that you say?  You've never had pizza made with a cauliflower crust? You've never dabbled in lasagna of the zucchini sort?  Shame on you.  And shame on me, until last week.  They're both delicious and a worthwhile effort if you're ..let's say.. not eating wheat for 40 days.

Courtesy of Dashing Dish!  My only advice: pre-bake the zucchini, otherwise you're eating lasagna soup which, ask my dad, is still pretty good.

Awww yeah, cauliflower.  You can't even taste the cabbage-y taste of cauliflower once it's baked.  Genius.  And you can make one yourself when you get yourself on this website!

And look what came in the mail the other day!  Woooo, happy girl over here!  I'm especially digging the rainbow effect.  I'm starting at the bottom with "Mere Christianity". 

Dumb talk about sugar withdrawals

The most hilarious part about giving up sugar and wheat for Lent?

Google searching images of "monkey bread" and just... looking at it.  It's not even an appealing thing to look at, but I know exactly how good it would taste.  I made a pumpkin torte for work today (I hate pumpkin pie but I love a good pumpkin torte) and I couldn't even partake.  I couldn't even scrape out the whipping cream bowl! Fresh whipping cream!  With cinnamon sugar sprinkles and toasted chopped pecans on top!

But you know, whatever.

And I almost ate a chocolate chip today, just because a box of them were sitting near me at work.  And I almost ate a crouton yesterday.  My body is subconsciously on a ravenous hunt for wheat-y sugar stuff.  The box of cinnamon Life cereal in my cupboard that no one else eats?  Taunts me.

But I'm making up for it by eating massive amounts of potato chips and using Spanish rice in every meal I possibly can. Ole! (with the accent on the "e" but my computer won't let me?)

Can someone please tell all of us that we're not God?

It's scary sometimes when I think of the world that I live in.  It's overwhelming, heart-palpating kind of freaky.  I'm becoming more and more convinced that all of this social media biz (blogs included! ..dang it) perpetuates an idea for each individual that he or she is god.  Actually.  Increasingly over the years, as new technology has sprouted of the ground (where all good technology comes from), we're all distanced ourselves from each other a liiiiiiitle more.  We connect in such a different way than people did 50, even 20 years ago.

Embarrassingly enough, sometimes I'm afraid to call my friends because that seems "too personal".  Whaaat?!  That's bogus but it's honestly how I feel.

And all of this distance is turning people a little bit apathetic, a whole lot narcissistic.  Think about it.  Your world revolves closer and closer around yourself.  And we lose community.  Everything becomes relative.  You can post pictures of a campaign for abortion rights and a video to spread awareness for child soldiers in Uganda right next to each other.  It's so, so relative.  You can say whatever you want, criticize whoever you want, bully whoever you want.  You can be whoever you want ( in a bad, bad way).

We are only devoted to what interests us.  We live in that instant world.  And in the midst of the instant and relative we find it hard to be compassionate.  My goodness, we have some egos.  To think that we could kill the planet.  The same people that say that the earth has been around for millions of years are the same ones who say that if we don't stop polluting, the earth is going to crumble!  Millions of years and WE force Mother Nature out of existence?  Pleeeeease tell me you're kidding.  We decide the difference between a miracle baby and a nuisance, one gets the nursery the other gets the garbage can.  We're really that evolved?  Determining the worth of whatever-you-want-to-call-it-which-ends-up-being-a-child?  We're qualified?

Then we must be qualified for pretty much everything.  And if that's the case, and nothing is above us-nothing too far out of our grasp-then we must be god.  And a comfortable god at that.  Still seated in our warm home, we save thousands of children with a click of a button.  We did good.  Another day of helping humanity.  Thank god us for us.

This day, in world news...

I grocery shopped for 3 hours.

I was getting so hungry by the end of it that I ended up with 4 bags of chips in my cart and kept going into the same aisles over and over again because I forgot numerous items.

I purchased some zucchinis though!  I'm attempting to make zucchini lasagna because, well noodles have wheat, in fact they are made up of basically wheat, and from now until we celebrate Jesus and the Easter Bunny, no none of that for me.

My mom has her doubts about what this is going to taste like.  And she won't let me put mushrooms in it.  But really I'm dreaming of making candy sushi and popcorn cake.  Bright, spring stuff.  Stuffed in my mouth.

But in the spirit of trying new things, I made a smoothie tonight.  (Also, alfredo sauce from scratch but I'm not sure that's impressive.)  Yes sir, I have never before made a smoothie.  We've had a blender for who knows how long and it has never been used until tonight.  Tonight everything changes.  I made a pretty standard smoothie (I even bought straws in preparation for the festivities!), shared it with my dad and watched the Israeli prime minister give his speech in America.  It reminded me of the times when families gathered around the radio to listen to the news.  I even asked my dad, "Is the whole world watching this?"  It felt like it.  But the entire evening's events may have been heightened by the fact that, girl please, I just made a smoothie.

My C.S. Lewis book has not shipped yet but I'm not worried.  Oh, and the speech tonight has caused me to get stuck in memory lane-rush hour traffic, no turning around.  I just want to high-tail it back to Israel and soak it all up again. After Easter.  So I can make a pit stop in Italy and actually eat some homemade alfredo sauce.  Amen.

I'm loving whoever first invented the idea of a list.

A little Lent update: I'm sincerely enjoying the amount of hymns & choruses that I've been singing lately now that I've forgone love songs until Easter.  I must admit though, when I flip through the iPod it's hard to pass by Adele without hesitating.  Sorry girl, I'll be back.  I've also noticed how much of my music, how much of music in general, is written for or about romantic love.  One (albeit, powerful) part of any person's life.  There's so many other things to talk sing about!

Speaking of which... here's the March list of things I want to accomplish.

1.  Continue cooking more often for the famjamily.  Go that extra mile and research recipes (thank goodness for All Recipes and that stupid Pinterest site), and then print them off, and then try them, and then find out what works and what should never have been printed.  I've realized that when it comes to things like cooking, I'm a better prepared than spontaneous chef.  I feel like I'm better at throwing things together when I bake, but if I cook specifically for other people, I want to know what I'm doing.  I would like to get to place where I could just pull things out and play mad scientist.

2.  Record that "baking" song you wrote just last month.  Do it for the fun of it.   BAM.  Maybe it will even cultivate some brother-seester bonding.  (My brother has a plethora of recording equipment.)

3.  Read my first C.S. Lewis book.  If you know who he is then you're ashamed of me.  Sorry man.  I think I was the only one in my Bible school class that hadn't read any of his works, and two years later, I'm still that girl.  But not much longer!  I ordered an anthology of his most famous works.  Bow-chicka-wow-wow, what up.

4.  Take a family photo, make an Easter card, and actually send it to people.  Step one was accomplished (with some hostility) earlier today.  Cards were made on the jazziest card making site out there.  Hurrah!  It's typically Friesenly casual.  I shouldn't have expected more (but I did, a little).  Anyways, I'm thrilled that there is actually a card to speak of (even if only virtual at this point).

5.  Go to the retirement home at least one Thursday to sing with the elderly.  This intimidates me!  But I genuinely think that this is one of those fears that should be faced.  I imagine that I will actually enjoy it once I've had the opportunity to experience it.

6.  Clean both dressers, bookshelves, and night table.  Get rid of anything that is no longer useful, tattered, or a hindrance to your relationship with God.  This is tricky.

7.  Send flowers to the secretaries at the high school.  You know, they were always such a friendly bunch to me when I was in school, and I don't think I ever properly thanked them.

8.  Do laundry!  And other such activities that you would be forced to do if you lived on your own.   It's actually something to be embarrassed about.  My mom does the vast, vast majority of the housework.  I really want to improve in this area!  One day I'll be on the other side of the ironing board and I hope I can sow some good seeds before then.

So there's the granddaddy list.  Simple, doable, but all of them take effort and initiative.  I managed to complete everything (except for a thorough cleaning of the car... and I didn't exactly cook twice a week... but OTHER THAN THAT.. oh yeah, big time completed) on my February list.  Detail helps.

Cheers to facing fears.

Something to chew on.

This my friends, is called beating the system.  No need to cheat.  No wheat, no sugar (except whatever is in the cereal, which I don't care about).  Honey, peanut butter, and Special K.  Sweet treat and no Lent guilt! Usually we make these kinds of bars with sugar, corn syrup and pour chocolate on top, but honestly I've never really loved the chocolate part.  Gimme the peanut butter!

My dad and I had an excellent lunch.  First of all-homemade potato/green bean soup.  Second of all, he posed the question: If we really trust God with eternal life, that our salvation is real, then why don't we trust that he is just as powerful for us today?  In other words, if Christians believe that there's a God who can actually save them from eternal damnation, why wouldn't they believe the other promises that he gives us in the Bible?  That he will never leave us or forsake us?  Why would we worry about anything?

Something to think about, pray about.

"10 000 Reasons" indeed.

I must say, I slept most of the day "away".  Whether it was time well spent or not, I can't really say but I'm ending the day, or I suppose rather beginning the next, in one of my favourite (although sometimes neglected) ways.

Some personal introspective deep dark enlightenment journal scribbling with a side of worship music.  This night features Matt Redman's "10 000 Reasons (Bless the Lord)".  It's a beauty.

Happy Sushi Day! (read: I'm giving up sugar and wheat for Lent and it's only day two and what?!? am I going to do?!)

Happy Fat Tuesday!

Round one of several.  Brunch with some big time phatties.

The barely bad bear came bearing gifts of bare essentials. Or did he?

Right now, all I can say is that having one of my best friends home for "Reading Week" is like winning "Best Pig" at the State Fair.  I'm loving the (allweeverdoiseat) time we get to spend together. I just ate four cookies while watching Food Network. Zing!

That, and I'm becoming obsessed with flossing.  My gums are literally itching to be flossed whenever I'm not flossing.  This is partly embarrassing because "Aren't you supposed to start flossing when you're, uh, a child?"  But whatever.  Late bloomers are the new tortoises.  We win every race, okay?

Abraham is my main man from the Bible right now, night skies are still the prettiest thing I've yet to see, and I bet you don't know every instance where it would be appropriate to use "bear" as opposed to "bare".

When I look back at my journal in ten years...

So maybe the weirdest part of today is that I'm one verse away from having completed writing a song about baking.  A song about baking that includes Biblical, classic literature, and mythological creatures.

Inspiration comes from the strangest of places. 


You may as well just cross stitch that little number on the largest wall in your home because it's totally true.  I made "heart healthy" cookies for Valentine's Day. Basically no flour, no white sugar. Some brown sugar and honey, tons of oats (bye bye high cholesterol), peanut butter (natural endorphin booster-hellooooo happy days!), dark chocolate (because I know I've read somewhere that it's good for you), dried cranberries (it sounds better if you say that instead of Craisins...), and a touch of cinnamon (metabolism accelerator).  Beauties.  Made them into heart shapes.  Took them to work.

The ladies loved them.  I'm not sure about the fellas.  Anyway, one of the guys I work with flat out said, "I could bake you under the table."  Whaaaaaaat did you just say?


Best phrase I've heard in awhile.  And it got all the creative juices flowing, so to speak.  And now I'm one verse about Godzilla and King Kong away from having the world respect me as an artist.  Not bad.

It's good to be a lamb.

Do you ever find that no matter what's going on in life God never lets you stray too far from needing him?  One area of your life may be smooth sailing but there's some piece of your puzzle that's gone astray.  Where did that piece go?!  You can't live without that piece!  And the whole picture starts to kind of crumble.  And there you are, once again, at the feet of the most loving Creator anything has ever known.

Just when you (.. I) thought that you could do this on your own, finally, you realize, OH WAIT, I CAN'T.  It's kind of beautiful, to know that you don't have to ever do anything on your own.  That you always have a place to run when you're lost or you get that tingly sensation in your wool that there's defs some wolves lurking around.  One little "Baaaaaa" and the Shepherd is scooping you up in his arms.

It's a good day to be a lamb (sheep?).  It's a good day to realize that I am what I am.  And sometimes I act like a lion and sometimes I really am pretty fierce like a lion, but that deep down, I'm a sheep.  And I don't have to figure out how to get to the next pasture, I really don't!  I just follow.  I just let go of all my tendencies to freak out about "HOW AM I GOING TO GET OVER TO THAT GREEN GRASS WHEN I SEE NO POSSIBLE PATH?!!"

Not my job.  I just follow. And He takes me to some crazy/dangerous/mind blowing/humbling places that I never would have encountered without his leading.  My life is better because I'm a lamb. Embrace the lamb inside of you, people.  I promise it's worth it.

Happy Anniversary!

In some unflattering but-I'm-not-caring news, I cried at work yesterday.  Almost exactly a year since I cried at work last time.  You gotta celebrate these occasions, apparently.

I was limping around work yesterday and feeling more than adequately sorry for myself, wondering why no one was noticing my LIMPING AROUND, and I started to whisper sweet nonsense into my brain.

"Pssssssssst."

"You know, it's becoming really obvious that no one here cares about you.  I mean, everyone is too busy to even notice that you're clearly hurting over here."

"Check your phone.  I bet no one has sent you a text either." I didn't dare check my phone.

"You know why?  Ya, you know why.  No one cares. Not here at work, not in BC, not anywhere."

"And in case I haven't made my point: no one could ever love you.  You're overweight.  You work in a kitchen. You have arthritis.  The boy who plays NCAA soccer in the States will never love you."

And I went in the freezer to cry, which was my tactic last year, but I could hear that there were people in the fridge going over the protocol for pulling product out of the freezer.  So I got outta there in a hurry.  And I bolted to the girls' bathroom.  Complete with a mirror so that I could just stare at myself, pitifully, as I kept saying "No one." over and over again.  You know, dramatic emphasis.

I might have stayed in there a long time except that someone banged on the door and I froze.  Time's up.  Face the music with a face that's all red and blotchy.  So I went into the kitchen, to the back where I was portioning rice (new rice! how exciting!) and one of the boys must have seen the  mess that was my face and told someone else who came back and asked, "Are you alright?"

"Ya, I'm good."

And cue whispers.  Behind me.  Boy whispers about the girl crying the back of the kitchen and what.... should they do about it.

Hand on my back.  Boy asks me what is wrong.  Says he doesn't like it when people cry (me neither, dude).  I tell him that I'm fine, that he shouldn't worry.  He stares at me for a long time like he's waiting for me to talk but I just keep portioning rice.

I go about my business.  They go about theirs.  One of them avoids me like the plague, like actually jumps out of the way when I walk in his direction because he is so uncertain of what to do with this emotional thing.  It's like a sleeping tiger.  You want to pet it, but the risks... You could lose an arm over this.

And eventually someone chimes in, "Are you in pain?"  Oh gee, I guess my pimp walk and the scrunching of my face with every step finally gave it away. "Ya, I can tell you're hurting."  Thank you for noticing, you great detective.

Anyway, the point of this is that maybe I'm more susceptible to emotions in the late winter, I'm pretty much a Mean Girl to myself sometimes, and boys are not like girls.

Trading Day

Beep beep.

So while I'm throwing away the dream list [even as I write that I kind of bite my lip in nervousness], I'm definitely trying to add a "be" list in my life.

Most of what was on my bucket list required more money than I have, a lot of planning, training, and some coincidental good fate maybe (ie. shaking a paw with a tiger).  The "be" list (which, ya, you can call a bucket list if you want!) is ever-changing.  It's comprised of things that I can do right now with the amount of money in my bank account and the resources I have here, in Smallsville.

So, this is more about what I can do to become more like that crazy woman that Proverbs 31 talks about.  It's about challenging myself and making the most of more moments.

This month's B-list:

1.  Visit with Phyllis, a recent widow who attends my church.
2.  Write some love letters to some people in my life (many of whom I take for granted).
3.  Clean my car. Outside (yaaaay! I actually take a small amount of pleasure in going to the car wash) and inside (mm.. less enthused).
4.  Go through the closet and the dressers in my bedroom (ya, they're still full!) and get rid of a bunch of stuff that I do not need.
5.  Make dinner twice a week for my family (this is hard because I work evenings!).  Please attempt homemade pizza.

Simple and do-able, but challenging in their own respects.  And hopefully character building.  So goodbye dreams, hello real life right here and now. And I encourage you to make a list for this month of things that maybe have been tugging on your heart.  Don't stress about it!  That's sooooo not the point of this.  It's to do little things to press towards the ultimate goal of live a life full.  Being Jesus every day not just while you're fundraising to go to Africa to volunteer at an orphanage for 2 months.  Although, that's also awesome.... But NO! I will not dream about how exciting and rewarding that might be!!!

The Declaration

As with most important things that I'm supposed to do, this is late.

I meant to write this yesterday.  You know, because it was the beginning of the month and any motivational declaration just has that permanent ring to it when you do it at the beginning of something.  But no, not I.  It's not even the beginning of the day for me anymore.  It's middle of the afternoon and I just ate some "artisan" (seriously... what does that even mean, Tostitos?) black bean and garlic chips.

But here we go.  Ever since I thought of writing this I thought of definitely not writing this.  Because, ya sure it sounds cool, but honestly.. that's kind of bold.  But with boldness comes adventure and I'm not wearing this backpack for nothing so from now on I think I'm throwing away my bucket list. [BAM... did you feel it?]

I think I'm giving up my dream to travel the world.  That's a big dream.  7 billion people in that dream.  This does not mean that I don't want to travel the world but that I will not hope for it, I will not wait for it, I will not write it on a list of things to complete.  I'm giving up my dreams in pursuit of freedom.  To not be tied down to anything that the world has to offer, but to be open to whatever God puts on my plate (let it be made with cheese God, please!).

I think I'm giving up my dream of seeing as many friends as often as possible.  I think I'm letting go of the need for community in return for a bigger one.  To be open to the faces that are naturally in front of me instead of pining after the ones who are familiar and easy to look at.

I want to be tied down to nothing.  So that love can manifest itself in me and that I might be always pouring it out.  I don't care if I ever attend a FIFA World Cup final, or a Stanley Cup final, or another final exam.

My path might be unique but my goals should not be.  I'm not saying that I will never do any of the things that I would enjoy, but I cannot live for the expectation of those things.  I am letting go of the expectation that I will ever do _______.  Even if I have amassed hundreds of hours researching that certain thing.  That thing is a sideways goal and I'm trying to get to the top of the mountain, or to the sun, or whatever.

If you have the words to a song, write it.  Don't worry about making an album.  If you feel the need to do something nice for someone, bake them cookies from the recipe on the back of the chocolate chips bag.  Do what is natural.  When we think extravagantly we lose sight of the original objective.  Do what drives you now!  And who cares if you ever see the Great Wall of China while on a hot air balloon ride?! (even though... uggh.. so cool.)

To love always.  To move when compelled.  To wake up every morning and ask, "Okay Jesus, what do you have planned for us today?"

This is short because I'm going to be late for work if I write anything else!

So I did something a little fearless the other day.

I drove around the big, bad city of Winnipeg, found the Olive Garden, got lost, and had a blast while doing it.  Simple things that are intimidating things can turn out to be exhilarating.  I've always been pretty intimidated to drive in the city.  I know how to get where I need to go and that's it.  But getting lost is just the universe's way of sending you an unexpected adventure.

So it got me thinking.. What else am I afraid/hesitant/too timid to do?

Hmm.

Two words, too hard, to keep. But let's try!

Annnnnnnnnnnd my mom's Rosetta Stone is apparently no longer in working condition so there goes that idea.  Throw me a purpose bone already.  You don't know what a purpose bone is?

Ya nut.  It's that thing that you just chew on, focus on, regardless of what else is going on around you.  And sadly, learning Spanish inwards and outwards and backwards (.......) will not be that bone.

And then I read something in a book.

"Die daily."

Yep, that's it.  My life should be centered around those two words.  I should not be so preoccupied with whatever I want that I forget to die to myself in order that Jesus might live through me.  Less Melissa, more Jesus.  Dying. Every day.

So after reading that I felt a little sheepish for being so preoccupied with how much it sucks to be bored.  If you're dead, you can't be bored.  If you have no ambition but to let yourself become less that God might become greater in your life, then boredom just doesn't have room to flourish.

It's a bigger than life concept.  It will take a lifetime of years and experience to apply it, but slowly, and maybe surely I can incorporate that into my life.

I dreamt I was getting a tattoo (of an honest-to-goodness rainbow of "characters" that I pretend to be in real life.. I kid you not the first line of the rainbow said "All those times I'm Irish".... woah, what?).  But when I woke up my first thought (after wondering how was I going to manage paying for this GIGANTIC character rainbow ode to self tattoo) was that if I was going to get a tattoo, it really should be "Die daily."

I had to remind myself in the grocery store (so that I didn't try to sneak ahead of an elderly woman at the checkout) and when I drove into the driveway and didn't feel like walking back to the mailbox to get the mail (nothing in there is ever for me anyway, or nothing good at least).  It's a hard proposition.  Like I said, one that's going to take a lifetime to get perfect.  But here's to today and every other day that we set ourselves aside and choose to die for the sake of something much, much greater than whatever we had planned anyway.

Amen.

Someone tell me what's the organic matter with me!

Day 25 of the "I'm not moving a muscle until you tell me to, God" and I'm bored.  Frankly, I'm just pure boring bored.

This cannot be what God wants from me.  To lie on my bed on my stomach with my feet in the air all crossed-legged and whatever and peruse the internet for absolutely nothing.  I can't fill my day with things because that would avoid the purpose of this whole "adventure" thing.

I have to be inward and creative.

I bet Paul never said that.  I bet he only did things that he felt compelled to do but I bet he never uttered the words inward and creative in a sentence.  He didn't have to think about purpose.  He just did it, heart, soul, and barefoot.

I wanna be like Paul.

Too much to ask?  Mm, ya probably.  I haven't really proven myself to be of the same caliber as P.  I'm really lazy, but even when he tried to kill all of Jesus' followers-the dude wasn't lazy.  The dude knew what he wanted and he WENT FOR IT.  Went down the road (the poor conditioned, not suitable for extended travel road) to Damascus.

What road am I on?!?!!

And why do I have to analyze it so much?  Why can't I just skip along this no name stretch of path?  I keep thinking that maybe if I just start to just spend time on my mom's Rosetta Stone program to re-vamp my Spanish, then maybe I'll feel all accomplished.  But I'm doubting it.

Honestly though.. I have no social life.  I feel like I should be making chocolate sculptures or studying organic chemistry or re-stupid-vamping Spanish, or any language!  I have the night off work tonight!  And I'm lying on my bed on my stomach!  What is the matter with me?!

You never think about the tree until it's almost in your windshield.

Last night on my way home from work I managed to find myself in the ditch on the other side of the road.  A little too much speed, the teensiest nudge of the wheel and a few swerve, swerve, swerves later and poooooof, perfect 10 landing into a pile of snow.

The whole time I kept saying "No, no, no, no, no, no..." in a very calm manner.  I didn't think I was going to die, but I did certainly think that my car was going to be a little less attractive than usual.  The car was still on when I hit the ditch.  I turned it off because it freaked me out.

I looked to my left and there was a fence. "Did I crash through a fence?!!?!?!"

I looked to my right and there was a tree. "I COULD HAVE HIT THAT TREE!!!!!"

I stepped out of the car and immediately upon seeing how close (probably 5 feet?) I was to the tree I shot a bunch o' "THANK YOU JESUS GOODNESS GRACIOUS GRACIAS!" up to God.  I almost started crying when I saw that tree because honestly, I had nooooooo clue where I was going on, what I might hit or who I could have hit (thankfully, no one was sharing the road with me).

It took me a few moments to realize "What side of the road am I actually on, then?"  And within three minutes there was a cop car sitting on the road above me.  I was overcome with the perfectness of the entire situation.  He laughed at me. "I mean, if you're going to crash into the ditch this is really the way to do it!  I can see the light from my driveway from here, it's not even cold outside.  I didn't hit that tree.  My car didn't hit anything but a pillow of snow on the firm side. No one was on the road.  And now you show up, out of nowhere.  This is plain ridiculous."

"Well, as long as you're not hurt."  Duuuuuuude, this is crazy!  This is amazing!  Anything could have happened to me but nothing happened!  


And so, my dad came and we left the car in the ditch for the night (I mean, it was already sleeping..) so that, and I'm quoting my dad on this, "you can take a picture of it in the daylight."

It was a complete blur.  I couldn't tell you anything that I saw really until I hit the snow.  I didn't even know the tree was there until I realized I didn't hit it.

Sometimes it takes us almost hitting the tree for us to be thankful for not hitting it in the first place.  That tree and plenty more have been there probably since before I've been around.  And I've never considered that I might hit one, one day.  But it's obviously not out of the realm of possibility.  So, moral: being grateful never hurts.

Save that oddly satisfying moment at all costs!

Do you know what's oddly satisfying?

Taking your car to the automatic car wash, dropping in a few coins and sitting in your car while this robotic set of gigantic arms gives it a good scrub.  Honestly.  I was thinking that next time I really need to bring my video camera so that I can capture the way the water shoots across the windshield like sun rays when the heater comes on.  It's magic.  I wish I had turned my radio to the Classical station.  Strangely relaxing.

And do you know what ruins an oddly satisfying situation like that?

I'll tell ya.

So, I washed my car yesterday and I could barely unlock it after my shift (at 1ish in the morning) so I asked my dad to please allow me to leave my car in his heated shop during the day today.  Perfect.  I needed to run some errands in town so I was going to take another vehicle but he tells me "The car is ready to go."  Ok fine Dad, I'll take the car.

So I'm carrying all my bags and about to hit the road and go back home when hmm, funny situation, I can't get my key in the lock.  The lock is frozen.  And the whole I'm thinking to myself "Adventure, Melissa!  This is an unplanned day.  Expect the unexpected!"  Or some ultra cheesy thing like that.  I'm saying it in my head as I walk back into the store with all of my bags, as I can't find the D-Icer from the Automotive Department, as I wait for Customer Service at the Automotive Department, as I end up finding it eventually in the Automotive Deparment.  It's all good. And it's only 97 cents.  It's almost a gift, really.

But then, even though I absolutely know that it's a dumb idea, I tell my dad "So, I had to buy D-Icer because I couldn't unlock my door." What I'm trying to say is: HA. Hahahaha. HAHA. You were wrong, buddy.  And then he remarks with a comment about how maybe next time I'll actually wait until the weather warms up before I decide to wash the car.

Nooooooooooooooo.  Oddly satisfying moment is now tainted by a dumb idea to tell my dad that he was wrong and I was right for wanting to take another vehicle.  So next time you have a moment in jeopardy of becoming less enjoyable than it originally was-save it!  Don't belittle your father.  You'll probably never win at it anyway.

Mind trick, what up!

TOP-THREE-THINGS-THAT-ARE-MOST-IMPORTANT-TO-YOU-1-2-3-GO!!

Uhh, God?  ...making the most of every moment.  ...my community

This is a mind trick that everyone should do.  Spring this question upon yourself randomly and see what answers you come up with.  

I'm sorry to say that mine was really, really lackluster.  The passion just wasn't there.  And that's a problem.  If those are my top 3 I should be able to spout them out loudly and proudly at any given moment.  "Hi, I'm Melissa and you should know that I love God, making the most of every moment and engaging with my community."  Flashy smile.  (So key.)

But honestly, my answers didn't race out of my mouth, they kind of tumbled.  Honestly, I said God because that seemed to be the answer that I should say first.  But I'm thinking about it and God is so generically unflattering.  This is not a respect issue.  The word itself is powerful (more so than I'll ever really know on this earth), but that doesn't explain anything about the importance of God in my life.  To say God might only mean that I believe in a God and I think that God is big and invasive in my life.  I didn't say "my daily relationship with Christ which molds the very make of myself" .  That would have been a more pleasing answer. e

Making the most of every moment.  Yeeeeesh.  That one is hard to swallow.  But it's acceptable because saying "the way walking by yourself on a beach in Washington state makes you feel incredibly close to the Creator of the beach and your life", or "deciding to drive 7 hours in a day to spend 6 hours with someone on her couch was one of the best compulsive things you've done, ever" is kind of specific and so, let's be fair.  This answer is on the right track.  It's just dull. 

My community.. There are several layers of this.  So, ya ok.. community works.  There's family in that community.  Friends.  But I guess it's more of the entire global community (ooooooh no. I sound like the Global Studies student that I once was.).  I love the creativity of the people.  I love the people.  The people drive me nuts, but we're all stuck on this one planet for a reason, right?  

So, I'm a little bit disappointed in myself.  For the generic-ness and uninspiring part of my answers.  And the time it took to say it.  But I believe that what I said was true. Hopefully you will too. 

May the [whatever you need in this moment right now] be with you, Jedi. 

Backpacks!

Thoughts from today.

"People are frying everything these days."
"I wonder if I should just bring some Oreos to work and a bag of pancake batter?  We already have a deep fryer.  It's practically begging to see some Oreos."
"Should I put garlic on my pulled pork sandwich tonight?"
"Do I want Skor in my cookie dough blizzard?"

The response to all of these heart melting questions was obviously yes.

Thoughts from yesterday.

"Ugggggh, I'm so sick of working here."
"Ugggggh, I'm so sick of living here."
"What am I even doooooing with my life?"

The response to all of these was "BACKPACKS!"

It's my go-to word.  As in, the image of God and I with backpacks on, having an adventure.  Laughing a ton.  Enjoying each other's company big time. Being crazy.  Loving the journey. Right here & now. Backpacks.

A moment, please.

I took another baby step today and moved a book shelf in my room that hadn't been moved since I started painting the tree on my wall.  Folks, that's nearly a year ago.  And it took all of 11 seconds.  But I didn't do it before because I looked at my room as a whole and thought, "Nope, never.  That's too big of a task."  But this whole breaking it up into smaller, much more mind manageable chunks is such a blessing.  I moved the bookshelf and cleared the area near my bed of a stack of old magazines, a complete phone set-unplugged since I moved back home over a year ago, and papers, papers, papers.

My dresser is still a mess, my closet is full of junk and I still have the paint cans from the aforementioned tree painting expedition sitting on a piece of old carpet near my door.  But that's okay because I'll get to those later.

I JUST MOVED MY BOOKSHELF, THANK YOU.

I think this is how people get so stressed out all of the time.  Instead of congratulating ourselves or being happy with a finished project (small as it might be), we look at the spectrum of our entire lives and if we're not improving all across the board, we're actually really sucking.

Where do we get these crazy notions?

I can be on the treadmill one day and, through a series of calculations in my head realize that I should be up at 6 drinking green tea and preparing for a half marathon.  It's staggering the speed at which we move in our minds. But I don't think that really works for me.  I think that just really overwhelms me.  And until I learn how to calculate all of those wheel turning ideas into actuality, I'm going to try to take it one step, baby, at a time.

They call it "amor" because they want more.

Nothing but love today.

It's the two year anniversary of the day I left Spain.  I don't typically mark the days of trips I take so sacredly, but this trip was different.  I was 19, at a place in my life where I knew I could go anywhere with it.  I was at Point A, I feel like.  On the road to Point B.

The memories of Spain are only the kind that absolutely warm the soul.  I've never been able to remember a place in an all-encompassing way the way that I can with this one.  The cold tile on my feet as I hurried through my morning duties after breakfast.  The milk took a long time to get used to.  Hah.  At the beginning I only put enough in my cereal bowl to barely coat each piece of puffed wheat.  And by the end... it's funny how things change.

The nighttime fights we engaged in, constant trips to the Mercadona for chocolate covered digestive cookies, chocolate covered walnuts, chocolate covered ham legs (...one of these three I made up..).  We just walked and explored but more than that, we just were with one another.  Just one small Spanish house with 31 large personalities that fit so perfectly.

We sat up on the terrace at night and watched the night sky.  We sat up on the terrace during the day with all of the girls and soaked up the sun while we soaked up each other's pain and joy and all of it.  We really lived together, you know?

And it's all love.  From the first hellos at the Vancouver airport, to the mad dash at the Heathrow airport, to the mad dash to catch the Tram into Alicante, to the mad dash in McDonalds to escape the friendly locals.  Man, we had a ball.  We bawled.  I bawled a lot, especially the last few days.  I bawled in the public streets of Alicante one night.  One night Michelle and I thought our plane was going to crash.  It didn't.  But the bowl I carried on my head crashed onto the floor one day, full of tomato sauce.  I had my first taste of curry sauce while in Spain, strange as that is.  I bowled my best game ever one night in Spain on a family group outing.  We looked strange to the local girls, I know this because they always stared at us even though we tried to buy what we thought was "in fashion".  Fashion malls, where I bought not one but two denim dresses which I have yet to see become cool in North America.  Still waiting.  Waiting to see what happens next with my beautiful family, who have shared a lifetime of memories with me in just a small piece of our lives.

And it's all love.

A truly great tragedy.

You know what I was thinking yesterday?

I was walking into Walmart and being conscious of my limp-y ways I began to run the same sad reel about how much of a nuisance it is to have arthritis.  But then I was struck by a greater thought.

As long as whatever you have that pains you is something that someone else has or could have, you can immediately be useful to them.  I was reminded of this thought when I was talking to my dad this morning.  He went through severe anxiety last year and there's no denying the power in words of empathy.  To be able to say to someone, "I've been there.  I understand." is huge!

To be able to say "This is how I cope with ________." are sweet, sweet words to someone who is struggling with the same thing.  So, remember this, whatever you have that aggravates, saddens, or physically causes you pain-there is someone else out there who feels the same thing.  And you share a special bond.

It doesn't mean that you have to be pen pals or wear matching homemade bracelets (although.. why not?), but it does mean that for all of the different "things" that you're going through, someone else is stuck in the same tunnel as you.  And you can support each other!  Tunnels are dark!  It's better together.  Two people walking on the sidewalk in the middle of the day might not have much to say to each other.  But two people walking in a dark tunnel-where it's hard to see in front of you and sometimes you slip, and feel like you should give up-those two people will rely on one another and their chances of survival are ultimately better.

Just as we appreciate the hand that lifts us, we must be that hand in others' lives.

How this plays into my arthritic joints, I'm not too sure yet.  But if there was no Arthritis Society, if no one cared to see a cure, to spend millions on research for medication, wouldn't my future seem much bleaker?  So, this isn't really about arthritis in particular (although go and donate, would ya? ha.), but it is about whatever plagues you.  And how you can use that to bless someone else.  Isn't that what we're here for?

I need a new vocabulary. ...exciting.

I had a dream last night that I had an actual baby.  Literal baby steps. Gaaah.  Freakish.  But it's hard to explain how much of an attachment I have to this little baby girl who doesn't exist except for in my subconscious.  However brief, I loved her.  It was kind of twisted though.  I kept her in the trunk of my car for awhile, which makes me sick but otherwise I carried her on my chest in some kind of wrap.  I took her to Applebee's or some simliar chain restaurant.  And she could talk.  She was a genius.  My baby's a genius! 

But while I appreciated that dream on some "getting in touch with my ovaries" level, here is what the highlight of my day has been thus far.  It's today's devotion from the book Jesus Calling.  The idea of life as an adventure, even in the mundane.  Even when you don't have a crazy newborn talking baby that you lovingly carry in the trunk of your car, life is still exciting.

Try to view each day as an adventure, carefully planned out by your Guide.  Instead of staring into the day that is ahead of you, attempting to program it to your will, be attentive to Me and to all I have prepared for you.  Thank Me for this day of life, recognizing that it is a precious, unrepeatable gift.  Trust that I am with you each moment, whether you sense My Presence or not.  A thankful, trusting attitude helps you to see events in your life from My perspective. 

A life lived close to Me will never be dull or predictable.  Expect each day to contain surprises!  Resist your tendency to search for the easiest route through the day.  Be willing to follow wherever I lead.  No matter how steep or treacherous the path before you, the safest place to be is by My side.

Amen.  Followed by a mixed greens salad with apple cider dressing and chopped walnuts which tasted... more exciting than I thought it might.  And when I went to turn on the tv I said to myself, "No.. tv isn't exciting.  Your life is exciting."  And so I went to the computer instead.  Small victories, people.  B-b-b-b-baby steps.

So here's to your exciting life, whatever it might contain!  Salads, tv, baby childs, and all the rest, I hope you see it as an adventure!

I think we downplay the magnitude of "baby steps".

TA DA newly organized and bare (ish) dresser/vanity/holder of many things unimportant and irrelevant.

But, please note.

Ok, so I took a "baby step" towards this more organized self-structured self shelf self.  But let's not gloss over the fact that, although I only really completed a small percentage of what I set out to do, I in fact, STARTED.  Let's clap for every time we laced up our shoes and went on the treadmill for any amount of time.  For any time you had a good idea and did some part of it.  Listen folks, our imaginations are more energized than a four year old gummy bear addict wearing a solar panel.  Idea. Pow. Idea. Pow. IDEA IDEA IDEA. POW! POW! POW!

So, if you ever actually maneuver your body into completing an act birthed in your imagination, then raise your glass, you admirable character.  We (I) get run down because we (I!!!) get so wrapped up in the notion that every. idea. you've. ever. thought. of. better. come. to. life. otherwise, well, why are you so lazy?


Right?!  Haven't you thought that exact thing before?! You were going to do this but you didn't and so now you're useless.  Man, you can't do anything right.  Do you even enjoy baking?  Why do we try to torture ourselves to prove something and then if it's not perfect it's actually something we cry over?  Hey, go ahead and take a baby step and then slap yourself on the back so hard that it leaves a mark so that you can remember that a baby step is actually something to be proud of.

The swing of things.

Why is it so hard to get into a routine?

I feel so unorganized, but part of me wants to just stamp "Free Spirit!" on all of my behaviours and call it a day.  Why can't I put peoples' numbers into my phone when I get them?  Why do I have to put it off until I actually need the number and no loner have access to it?  Why can't I keep my room clean for three days in a row?!  Or track my spending habits every month?  All of these things would be good for me.  Why must I loathe them so?

....FREE SPIRIT!

No you guys, I don't know.  It's frustrating to know that I very well should do something because it would honestly benefit me and then look that thing in the eye and say, "Ya you wish buddy."  I'm my own worst enemy!  I can only imagine that as I get older this kind of thing will drive me crazier and psycho-er.  Think of the children for instance!  All of their field trip paper work strewn about the house, mixed in with the de-humidifier manual and photocopies from the Praise! hymnal.  Just a mess.

I think I need a schedule.  But I've never been able to keep up with day planners.  Sick.  But maybe just a tentative attempt at a structured day will be a giant leap of a baby step?  Here's the plan kids.  I'm going to clean my room, and if I feel robust enough afterwards, I will clean out my car as well.

And I will try to save all of my receipts.  And file my pictures onto USB drives so that my computer doesn't crash under the distraction of my beautiful face in 20 000 different scenarios.  Rough.

Accomplishing missions one mission at a time!

Ya girl, I did write a letter to all of the kids I went to Bible school with, print those copies of the letter, and then proceed to fold, fold, fold and then stuff them into designated envelopes corresponding to their handwritten addresses.  Feels good.  Feels also dry in the tongue region.  I only do it once a year but it just feels like a big accomplishment.  [Before you decide that I must be bragging... there were only 30 kids in my Bible school and I don't know the addresses for nine of them. Heh..]

And here's what I'm becoming more and more aware of.  Life is about people.  If it wasn't, you would honestly probably have your own planet to make a mess of.  But you're surrounded by people, hurt by people, influenced and embraced by people.  They affect us!

I spent one on one time with six women yesterday-ages 16 to 51-for an extended amount of time.  And what did I do for them?  I can let a day like that slip away and leave their lives untouched, or I can invest in them.

So, how are we affecting others?  Dun.. dun... dunnnnnnnnn.. [Cue the gong symbol, fog machine, and ancient Eastern wiseman].


"To be committed to the betterment of mankind is the greatest joy that one can experience." Or something like that...

[Enter Jesus.]

"Jesus replied: ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’^[a] 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹ And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’^[b] 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."


Or, here's the last one... [Enter student council theme for the 2004-2005 year]


"See the need, fill the need."  


Basically, we need to be the representatives of God to the world.  And it's actually so hard to do on a day-to-day basis because I don't want to act nicely to the female Customs and Immigration officer who continues to ask in a snarky tone if I, for the third time, have drugs on me.  No, ma'am, I don't.  Quit asking.  And by the way, have you heard about Jesus?

And I'm so wrapped up in whatever I'm up to that I forget that, hey wait one second and see if I'm crazy but, other people.. have.. lives as well?  My gosh!  I don't believe it!

See the need, fill the need.  And may our priorities be so in sync with 1. loving God  and 2. loving others.  If we could get that in order.. we would see less plush chairs in church, I think.

One of the things I'm not so good at, followed by "My Big Mouth".

Commitment.

Guhhhh... I can't even spell it correctly most of the time.  I'm about as bad at committing to something as I am at being consistent.  C words.  The worst.

But if I want to blog (B word) then I just have to stick with it.  It's not that I don't have the gumption (G word), it's just that I get so analytical (A word) about everything (E word).  (That was fun and now it's not anymore.)

I have all of this massive amount of free time.. see previous blog post (aka: no friends).  And what am I doing with it?  Today I slept, pretended to sleep, whatever.  And it's dark outside all of the time and it will be so easy for me to get into the habit of eating bags of "Fun Size" Snickers every night if I don't plan something out for myself.

So I'll let you in on a little conversation I had with God.  One sided.  So, basically I'll tell you what I told God.  I said "God, I want two years.  Give me two years."  What that means, I could get into details about, but basically I just want you to know that I'm starting a two year project.  I'm going to see where God takes me in these two years.  And I'm going to ....try to..... rely on him.  Whewwww, I said it.  And immediately I'm faced with a conflict.

EXHIBIT A.

My totally amazing redheaded friend is backpacking through Europe for a month this spring.  She invited me to join, spending a week in Paris, and then doing some tromping through Eastern Europe-which is so tempting because I have never been to the Eastern, darker, moodier side of Europe. And I have heard nothing but phenomenal things!  Honestly!  But here's the thing.. I can't go.  God didn't tell me to go.  I can't.  Is that crazy?  Because that's what these two years are about.  Saying to God "I don't move until you tell me to."

It seems crazy.  And maybe that's why it's such a good idea?  A lot of my friends say, "Just gooooooooooo!  Do what you want to do and put God in the centre of it."  I want to do the opposite.  I want to delve into the relationship, rely fully on him and only move when I feel compelled.  Some people might say that I am wasting my days, but if the ultimate goal of life is a relationship with Jesus and if there are people right here that I can minister to then why would I need to "get out of this stupid dumb dumb town!!!"...?

Which brings me to EXHIBIT B.

Same friend.  Lives in Ottawa.  With a slew, a whole cat litter, of some other chum-chums of mine.  I haven't visited Ottawa since 2009. (aka: so long ago!)  I've been to BC 4 times since then and I'm right in the middle of the two.  So, there's an airline that has a 50% off sale which ends Monday and it's so incredibly tempting to book a flight!  For spring!  In the city!  With my babes!  Right?  Doesn't that make sense?  I mean, wouldn't that be the reasonably fun and exciting but not too, too adventurous thing to do?  Wouldn't that still be within my allowance of mobility during this two year bonanza with God?  I mean, Ottawa.. it's our country's capital city for goodness' sake!  Would God be so offended at my outward display of patriotism?  I think not.

Until I actually think about why I want to do it.  Because I'm already looking at my life calendar and thinking "Wow.. Spring of '12 is going to be a rough patch."  It just seems so hallow.  Deathly, even.  So an easy fix is to put a trip in there, and then count down the days, be able to look forward to something.  But the more I think about it, the less patriotic I feel.

So, how much am I willing to sacrifice over the next two years?  No, I'm not answering that.  But I will say this.  Here's the level of "enlightenment" which I hope to reach.

Immediately upon posting this I thought, "Wouldn't it be cool if I posted a photo-a-day of my life?!!"  No, no it would not.  Refer to the top of the blog post. Amen.