I think we're always on the verge of something huge.

Here's something crazy.  Today I was sitting in bed on the computer, thinking about what I want to accomplish in the future and what I want my life to look like and how I'm trying to shape that right now.  I opened up a new Word document and typed "To do before I'm 21." and then in an instant I had this clarity of what I really want to do.  I had a feeling that "it's time to publish the book". Woah.

Since I've finished writing and roughly editing it,  I haven't really thought about it too much.  I sent it off to someone to read and haven't touched it since.  I haven't even looked at it.  I never really think about it.  When people bring it up in conversation I'm always surprised, "Oh ya, that thing I did!"  The truth is, I've always felt that it was very much God's project.  It wasn't my idea to drop out of school and write it, nope, that was all Him.  So as much as it is a very intimate insight into a year of my life, it's never something that I've felt a strong personal, creative bond with.  I mean, in a way, yes.  But it wasn't my love child that took years and tears to create.  Nope.  It was pretty speedy.  God did most of the work, I just met him at the computer. 

While I was writing the book I inquired about some publishing info from this self-publishing company, not really expecting anything more than something to browse at for future, very future, reference.  Well, Anna from WestBow has called me a handful of times.  She's the sweetest girl.  Every time she asks me if I'm ready to take my book to the next stage and every time I tell her that I'm not ready.  I don't feel called to do anything with it yet.  But I'm not sure if that's going to be my answer tomorrow. 

Every part of this process has been clear as a bell.  Write it.  Edit it.  Send it to ______.  I never really questioned any of it.  In fact, I always felt like it was the only thing to do-any other option didn't even register with me.  And earlier today I got the same kind of feeling about publishing.  I'm not saying that I'm going to start turning the wheels now, but I'm definitely going to pray about it.  I haven't prayed about the book in a long time-many weeks. 

It's also possible that I have this urge to get the book out because I've been restless lately.  I'm not discrediting that.  Either way, it's pretty crazy that I all of a sudden thought of the book, and then opened its Word document and briefly flipped through it.  I'm curious to read it again.  I guess we'll see what happens!