Why do I care about what some boy that I work with thinks of me? Why do I hope that he'll announce to me at work that he'd really like to go fishing or have coffee with me?! Honestly, I'm boggled by myself. We had one conversation about faith and Christianity and such and now I feel like I need to be his friend-I need to save him! More than anything I would like to erase whatever compartment of my brain turns on this feeling. I don't want to care what people think of me. I don't want to wait, hoping that people I have hardly anything besides employment in common with will consider me as their friend. But I really just want to be everyone's friend. It's a selfish thing though. I like it when people need me, because if people don't need me then what am I good for?! It's something I'm working through but the feelings don't just end because you realize you shouldn't feel those things. I love helping people. People being passionate is my passion. But not everyone is as passionate as me. Not everyone really wants to get that close to see a detailed view of my heart. Some are okay to glance at it as they walk by. How do I become okay with being a second class exhibit at a museum next to the King Tut archeological treasure?
I guess I'd have to say that, regardless of how much I feel like an unworthy piece of art, I should realize that those one hundred square feet of space in the hallway is my space. It's mine to showcase what I'm about. It's my space to change peoples' lives for the better and I can either mope about it and hide myself away or I can present myself as open and honestly as possible and take the good with the bad. Sure, not everyone is going to want to know about all of my intricacies. Some people will. But I'm not there for numbers. I'm there because that's my space. And I'll do my best to make the four second walk through my work the. best. ever. And I'll do it not because I'm hoping that you like it, but because that's what I do. True artists don't create to please-they do it because they have to. I'll try to love because it's my call, regardless of reciprocation. I'll do it because that's what Jesus did and that's the whole point right, to become more like Jesus? He wasn't always treasured (actually, rarely) but he never stopped being a light, going the extra mile, giving all that he had to a people who despised him and eventually crucified him. That sounds about the farthest thing from appealing but I really feel like it's my call. Called to love because I've been loved relentlessly by the Creator of the universe. Now I just gotta figure out what that looks like.
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