Daily Recommended Servings of Emotional Outbursts

How does it work?  When we share ourselves with people do we become more or less?  Do we become fuller or more fragmented?  I would argue the former, in theory.  But if we look at the application of my life, I'm all about keeping my mouth shut. 

How do I change?!

When I get overwhelmed with a situation I'll debate back and forth whether or not I should tell someone, but inevitably I just spend time talking to myself in front of the mirror, catching my own tears and hearing myself talk.  I don't know how to make these conversations happen with anyone besides myself unless I'm caught in them (read "My least favourite place to sit").  I really wanted to text someone-texting specifically because it would require the minimum amount of effort on their part.  They could either text me back or they could save it for later.  But I couldn't even do that.  I ho-ed and humm-ed over it with the phone in my hands, fingers eager to punch out some words on my T9 but I couldn't do it.  I went for a run on the treadmill instead and let Bob Marley do all the talking (he is an essential element in my preparations for summer).  And now the feeling isn't as intense.  The worst of it has subsided.  So does that mean that I handled it right?  By keeping it to myself, was I being wise?  Is reserved best?  Should you always talk to someone when you feel like talking to someone?  Doesn't that get annoying?!  I wish there were rules because I never learned what is okay.  And I guess it's whatever is okay to each individual, but I hate grey areas.  And I hate depending on people. It's what makes me put down the phone every time. 

Are we like the oil that Elijah (or maybe it was Elisha.. I can't remember) said wouldn't run out?  The more we give the more we are?  Is that how it works?  It's easy for me to talk on here-type on here.  It's such a formal way of doing things.  And it's on my terms.  I use the language I want, even the font I want.. it's very controlled.  I'm not calling at three in the morning.  You can access this whenever you want and I can delete this whenever I want.  And we can never even speak about it.  This is safe.  And normally I like a challenge, but this is one that I've never really conquered, or even faced.  I don't know how. 

I guess I'll put it on the list of things to do before I'm 21.