It's been awhile and now you know why.

I have been feeling pretty blue lately.  The kind of blue in the sky that would be right next to a giant black hole.  "Hey, is that a dark blue or black?  It's so hard to tell."  Ya, that blue.

Well no maybe not that blue but the kind where I'm playing Sodoku (six years after it was cool, I know.  Let me be!) at all hours of the day and night.  I'm texting friends and when they don't respond I get sullen.  "Well they don't really like me anyway, hmmph... HMMMPH."  I'm complaining in my head loud enough so that the universe takes note, and uh, does something about it.

Truth is, I'm a pretty self-absorbed person.  I mean, I must be.  Otherwise, I would continue about my life, maybe even DO things with my life whether or not so-and-so-and-so-and-so (heh..) check in with me or not.  It's a strange thing when you are feeling sorry for yourself and all of a sudden you get a little tap on your shoulder with a note that says, "You're currently wasting your life.  Just thought you should know."

Agaad!! Wake up call!  10:37 AM!  I've slept in!  Life is still moving while I'm lying solitary, and spread eagle on the ground.  Not a good look.

So, I'm still playing Sodoku (the game needs me!) but I'm trying to shove my head under water (figuratively) anytime I get hit with the case of the Negative Nancys.  Those b's are relentless.  Cut throat and always giggling in your ear.  SHUT UP, NANCY!  ALL OF YOU!

Plus I'm reading the Psalms currently so David and I are just on this emotional roller coaster together, holding hands, "WEEEEE"ing at all the high parts and throwing up every time gravity brings us down.

"Can you even mail an airport?!" and other questions I'm asking myself.

So, last week I was in Colombia with Opportunity International Canada on my dad's behalf.  He was interested in the organization (they give mircoloans to clients in developing countries!) and asked if I would go and be his "eyes and ears" to check out the logistics of the system.  Uhh, I was bred to travel, so ya dad.. I'll do you this one favour.

You can check out a little video that I pieced together of the experience right .. about.. here!  Words never really do any trip justice so maybe the video will help my case. It was a short stint in some pretty hot, hot heat.  The people and their perseverance rival any landscape I've seen for most beautiful.  With every inch they've been given (and they haven't been given many) they stretch it into a mile.  They use their resources to the full extent, and turn their problems (a broken shoe) into big time solutions (a shoe making business).  Incredible ingenuity.

And since I've been home I've been processing the trip (as one always struggles to do once thrust back into the world of now, now, now featuring a solid roof and a comfy bed).  And since I've been home I've also managed to write a letter in Spanish (using Google Translate.. can you believe it..) to my immigration officer at the airport (I had the same one arriving and departing! What. Are. The. Odds....) and walked myself to the Canada Post office and MAILED. IT. MAILED IT TO THE AIRPORT IN COLOMBIA. Likely the weirdest thing I've done lately, but kind of liberating.  It was this cool moment where I said to God, "I don't know if he or anybody else is ever going to see this letter, but thank you for prompting me to write it anyway." I don't even know the guy's name, but it doesn't really matter.  It's about pouring out love whether we think it's worth our time or not.  Can I get a witness?

And by the way I've been thinking, I don't really want to watch TV.  I want to read books.  So I think this summer I'm going to forgo television in favour of reading.  I don't ever really feel like I've learnt anything after watching television shows (and I watched hours of them yesterday while I was nursing a toothache on some T3s).  But I'm not going to impose this rule on anyone else.  So if I'm at someone else's house and they turn on the television I don't have the right to forbid it.  This is a personal little challenge.  So consider this my MAY list.  Reading.  No TV.  (I also think I want to fast (you know, from food).  Too crazy?)

And now for some shameful news.

My April list was short.  I had one thing on it.  BE ON TIME (MAYBE EVEN EARLY!) FOR THINGS.  But considering that I'm a month late writing it on here, you can guess how that went.  Ugh.  So I will add that to the May list as well.

1.  No teeevs.  More reads.
2.  Be on time, sucka.
3.  Look into (Biblically and otherwise) what fasting all entails (besides the rumblin' in ma belly).  This whole fasting idea is married to the thought that I'm probs bobs addicted to food.  Not a good thing.  I can't really avoid food for the rest of my life, but I would like to be able to have a healthy relationship with it.  I would like to be able to give it up (for at least a period of time) to focus on what I'm really craving.  

So, that's that then.