Today is my birthday and instead of being far too busy celebrating to even think about writing on this thing, I'm sitting here and there are tears running down my face and I can't imagine talking to anyone except whoever you are.
And if you ask me why I'm crying I'll give you a dumb reason like:
When I returned from work last night after midnight and was locked out of the house, my dad didn't even wish me a happy birthday but managed to explain to me that if I left the key in the ignition of the car which was sitting in the garage all evening, the battery would die by morning.
When I walked up the stairs this morning I was greeted with a candle on top of a pile of icing covering the crumbs of a piece of cake that someone (probably me) didn't finish.
We had leftovers for lunch.
We bowed our heads to pray and no one piped up so finally my mom lead us in "Come Lord Jesus be our guest, May this food to us be blessed. Amen." I felt like no one wanted to pray for me.
The lunch conversation consisted of farm talk and rental properties. I sat in silence.
My dad directed his attention to me to tell me that he asked my cousin to do a fish fry for dinner. And that would be great except for the fact that I hate fish. I mean, I don't hate it but I certainly never ask for it and rarely eat it when it happens to be around. My mom loves it. And the worst part is that it seemed like he thought he was doing something really thoughtful for me. And my mom kept asking in front of everyone, "Isn't that nice of your dad?" And what was I supposed to say.
And so aftter excusing myself from the lunch table I came down to my room and started bawling my face off because there is no one on the planet that I feel like I can call to say "I'm having a fishfry for my birthday" and have them know exactly what I mean.
I can't help but realize how ungrateful I sound. But these emotions have a lot to do with the fact that I just released my book into the world wide web early this morning. And that's unbelievably scary.
No comments:
Post a Comment