NOMAD. I mean, how could you be?

I was sitting in a van on the way to celebrate my aunt's birthday and I noticed the tall pine trees with their green leaves at the top and I immediately thought about bamboo trees and how much I want to go to Thailand and see the bamboo forests.  And how I want to go back to the Gothic quarter of Barcelona and lose myself in the tiny, slightly spooky, streets.  How I want to compare the sand on the beaches in Egypt, Croatia, Chile, and Australia.  I just want to go.  But I have no money-even less since I backed my car into my uncle's camper.  I can't help but want to go and meet people.  To look into somebody else's big brown eyes and say, "I understand you."  I want to study the life of a deli owner in New Jersey-ask him what his favourite cut is and what he thinks about God.  I just want the chance to ask the dancers in the Russian Ballet academy which they would choose if they either had to inherit a) arthritis or b)  a permanent 20 pound weight gain, and if they could love themselves with either.  I want to hear the dreams of the girls in Kenya who carry water on their heads for as much as six hours as day, eliminating their chance at an education.  And I want to see the bamboo trees. 

Will I ever?  I'm not sure.  But a dream is a precious thing.

In my next life, I'll be a computer whiz.

Uhh, I just wrote a solid post.  It deleted itself.  A little rude if you ask me.  I don't have any desire to re-write it but it was about the impending doom of summer's end (a preliminary freak out), wanting to make good pizza from scratch, the benefits of summer birthdays (burger bars and eat-pie-until-you-die themes work better than in the winter, suckers), why Folk Fest is going to rock my sockless feet once again, and other good stuff that you'll never know about.  And truthfullly I've already forgotten so we're in the same slightly empty boat.  Sorry guys. 

A little cantata for summertime.

I plugged my book into actual book making software today!
I plugged my book into actual book making software today!
I plugged my book into actual book making software today!
I plugged my book into actual book making software today!

x 10
Repeat chorus after the last stanza

Seriously.  Perhaps I'm celebrating too early on this one but my book is no longer just a WORD document.  It's a real, living, breathing book with dreams and flaws and it's just waiting to be read by the masses.  I know at least twelve people that will read it.  Ok-celebration over.  I gotta go to work, but I will be smiling from ear to ear.. until I remember that I have to close. Work on your dreams people! Some days they turn into actuality! The WORD document stage doesn't have to last forever.

Some thoughts... while eating IHOP in bed.

1. This IHOP is so good.
2. I wonder how I can make those XXL t-shirts I bought into cute dresses.  I don't even have a belt.  Must buy belt.
3. It's crazy how they stuff the French toast with cream cheese.  Little magicians in that kitchen.
4. I think that people sacrifice things that they love for stuff that they like.  We like to spend money on things that will make us feel better about ourselves instead of investing that money into things that we're actually passionate about.  I'm not saying that this is a rule with no expections and I'm not saying that everybody does this all of the time.  But I do think that we have a few insecurity/vanity issues on this wildly bountiful continent and I think that it ultimately distracts people from what they were meant to do.  Because you think that those jeans are going to make you happy, so you buy them, but then when you wear them you still manage to get your feelings hurt by some guy/your best friend/a stranger.  And so you need to buy a sundress, that sundress that you've had your eye on for awhile, and honestly you look stunning in it.  And is it bad that you buy the sundress?  Well, no.  But is it best?  Is that the best investment you could make with that money to ensure that you live a full life?  Hmm, maybe, maybe not.  It really depends on a lot of things but it's something to think about.  When I go shopping I often envisualize the kind of compliments I might get if I wore that article of clothing.  It gives me the motivation to buy it.  And of course, as my friend pointed out, some people just really love fashion.  So I'm not about pointing out people in changing rooms and saying "You don't need that."  but I am saying that the whole process of buying things  is worth some self-examination.  And the same can be said for interior decor.  Woah, woah, woah.  Talk to me about that in five years, or whenever I'm fixing up my house.  That will be my problem.  Right?  Because you always want to have the best! house! ever!  And that's usually not cheap.
5. I really need a belt.

Thanksgiving minus the turkey

Just when you think that you have the right to complain life kind of gives you a reality check.  Today was a "sad day".  I just woke up knowing it, comitting the feeling to my bones for the time being.  The kind of day that you'll find me lying in bed under the covers with a sweater on!  That never happens.  I like to be as barely clothed as possible when I'm in bed but today I wore khakis and a sweater to slumber in.  I gave myself a headache thinking about the money I spent on gas on a vehicle that I'm "forced" to drive because my regular vehicle (which is actually my parents') isn't co-operating properly at the moment.  And I stress over it.  And isn't that crazy, like absolutely nutty?  I live such a fantastical life that I can afford to spend time stressing over details like that?  That's a luxury that most people on this planet will never know.  And I went into the bank in a panic because I wasn't sure if I paid my VISA bill on time and to deposit some money into my line of credit.  I went to school on someone else's money and then dropped out.  And now I pay it back on my time.  Mind boggling.  And sometimes it just takes one glance and I realize that my kelly green khakis and coral pink underwear remind me of a watermelon, which makes me happy.  But sometimes it takes hearing about someone elses' pain and their triumph over such harsh circumstances that slaps me in the face and makes me say, "Oh okay, I get it."  Goodness, selfishness is so crippling.  Deciding to be unhappy for the day?  That's actually sickening to think about.  Who am I to have anything to complain about next to the great abundance that I know as "normal"? 

I'm still not done painting my tree!

I was just in the middle of making my dinner (okay fine, cutting up strawberries) to pack for work tonight when I remembered that I wanted to write on this. 

So, a few days ago my brother and I had another confrontation.  I don't remember how it started, a comment about Lady Gaga, a comment about my cereal-it really could have been anything.  Well, it turned into a bit of an emotionally charged conversation.  We have always seen the world very differently.  And by the end of the conversation I was in tears, telling him that it made me sad that he couldn't see me as anything more than a "liberal".  That's the box he puts me in and I think it's so stupid.  It actually enrages me because he does not know me and for someone who could be such a supportive figure in my life doesn't even think taht my ideas, my perspective is anything but "liberal", which he thinks is the worst thing ever.  He actually asked me to denounce my liberal status.  First of all, that is weird and kind of cult-ish?  Second.. I can't even explain how dumb that sounds and how upset it makes me.  I told him that I was sad that we didn't have a better relationship and then he explained to me that I was a person who believes in minimum wage (and I'm not sure that I do...I haven't really done my research) and laid out the facts as to why that concept wasn't beneficial and we could simply never see eye-to-eye.  He answered my plea for a relationship with an economic analogy.  And he finished by telling me that my lifestyle was basically a waste of time and that I was going to "love people all the way to Hell".  But everything happens for a reason.  Our relationships are given to us for a reason.  I know that in the end, we both want the same thing.  It's just sad to think that we can't accept eachothers' terms for how to get there.  So that was a rough conversation.  It makes me a little bit more indifferent to him in some ways, which is bad.  He's my only sibling.

And then, I finished editing the book and asked my friend to edit it (she went to school for that kind of thing) and I found out that she's moving after living here for two years.  What timing hey?  So I've been trying to figure out how I would get all of this worked out, how this would actually happen.  And I realized.. what makes you think that YOU can't just do it all?  Maybe you don't need an editor, a publisher, a someone else.  Maybe God's words are enough and you don't have to have a published author, but just a girl with something important to say.  If the book isn't perfect, that just further proves how flaws can be used for powerful things.  So instead of making the book a huge production, maybe I can just throw it out there for whoever is supposed to read it.  I really like that idea.  Simple.  So that's what I'm excited about right now!  And the fact that the Canucks are 2-1 in the final series right now. Ow, ow!

And one final thing.  This afternoon I went to get groceries for my momma and my car was on empty but there's a gas bar at the grocery store so I decided to head there after finishing my shopping and parked the car.  Well, when I got back in the car it failed to start.  I ran to the gas bar and told one of the girls working there (who I happen to know) and we pushed my car to the fuel pumps.  Hilarious.  I love it when those kinds of things happen (conditionally-I wouldn't love it if I was running late for something, for instance).  So I filled up the car with the money that my mother graciously gave to me and was ready to be on my way when.. oh wait.. the car still wouldn't start.  I thought I was in big trouble.  Big financial trouble.  My brother (the same one I just talked about) drove into town to see what the problem was.  And he didn't know and we were actually going to park it when a man came to help us.  He boosted it (the battery worked fine, so I didn't think that would help) and that was that!  He certainly didn't have to stop and spend his time on helping a stranger. 

So, whatever it is that you are convicted of, whatever makes you passionate, continue on that path and listen to others' opinions but keep your focus.  That's your path.  And know that if God calls you to do something, he will equip you with all of the tools necessary to perform the task-with excellence.  Have faith that wit him you can do anything.  And finally, help those you see in need, and when it becomes your turn, don't be too proud to accept help. 

And I've been having some killer dinner parties lately.  I will try to post some pictures soon!  There's one left-Asian themed.  I'm busting out the fake acrylic nails.  Crouching tiger, hidden dragon.

Just a quickie!

No, no I haven't forgotten!  I'm not being lazy!  I'm just working a zillion hours and babysitting during the day and promising myself that I will finish round two of editing the book by the end of this week!  Oh, and for some reason I don't have internet connectin in my room?  Bizarre.  But I've got approximately 24 pages left. Ahh, good times. Sprawled out on my bed, under the covers, laptop resting in my lap.  Once that is done (is it ever, really?) I'll be back and I want to talk to you about my doubts, and why sometimes  I wish I was an only child.