This page is looking a little dusty.

Ok, the problem with never posting an entry is that too many things pile up and then I don't know how to incorporate them into a fluid entry and thus... I avoid writing one.  And then more things pile up.  Life goes on, memories are made, mason jars are filled with raspberry sauce, and it just becomes too much to talk about.  I even missed posting two Fridays in a row.  You've lost faith in me and I understand that.  But I will try to regain it by being irrefutably dedicated to this little box that I type in, but more importantly to you, my loyal viewers.  Heh heh. 

Ok so here's a list of things that I want to talk about.

1. Oprah's gone forever and suddenly I'm obsessed (nah, not really) with her and all of the shows that I haven't seen in her 25 year career (somewhere in the ballpark of 93%).  It's one of those things that you only really want once you know that you can't have it anymore.  Well true, wise reader, I can watch the re-runs, but it's almost like the magic is gone now.  I've never been a huge O fan.  I disagree with her on a cornucopia (you like that?) of things which makes it hard for me to value her influence on the masses, but while I was watching the finale I was really quite impressed with the words that she had to share.  Her message is almost distinctly the same as my message.  I cried twice during the show, not really because she was going off the air, but because I feel like God is preparing me for a great journey.  Feeling blessed, mostly.
2. Dinner party wars currently taking place amongst my friends and I.  Have you ever seen that show "Come Dine With Me?"  It's hilarious, particularly the British version.  But anyways, there are four of us girls and we each take turns hosting one another for a themed dinner.  We all get scored and eventually find out who is the ultimate hostess.  I've only attended one so far but wow, oh wow I'm a little nervous.  As the attendees were driving down the hill to the first host's house we were greeted by her younger brother, her boyfriend, and her mother totally dressed up and holding gigantic flowers, waiting to escort us inside.  Her presentation was phenomenal and most importantly, we laughed for hours.  And that was just the first one!  Eeeep.  Next up is a luau.  I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing for mine, but I think I have to go pretty much all out.  Thinking cap is coming on!
3. Once again I'm editing the book.  There's so many varied emotions surrounding those 90-some thousand words.  It's a lot of fear and uncertainty, but it's also quite a bit of joy.  It's hard to do because it's kind of a prophetic book.  I mean, I don't know when the world's going to end, or how many kids you're going to have, but I talk about the future of my life in certain aspects as if I'm sure of them.  Because God said so.  And I love that!  I love that I have to be faithful.  I know that there's something special in the works but it's still a little terrifying at times.
4. Congratulations Vancouver Canucks on making it to the Stanley Cup Finals.  It only makes me want to be in Vancouver more, so I'm actually kind of resentful, but I've been cheering for you and watch all of your games from the kitchen at work (much to my boss' displeasure, I'm sure).  But anyway, I'm excited about the finals and I try to sport my Canucks snap-back as much as possible without being obnoxious, which is probably a lost hope for me anyways. 
5. I was in the backyard of my friend's house the other day, babysitting her children and I had a horrifying thought.  Her son was playing in the garden-in the dirt-with his Tonka trucks and trying to cajole me into joining him and I was implicitly refusing.  I just simply was not interested.  In fact, I'm hardly ever interested in playing with kids outside.  I'm pretty impatient and I just can't seem to suspend my disbelief of the imaginary long enough to really get into it.  And then I thought... "What if I don't even like kids?  What if.... I only like... the idea of kids?!"  What-the-eff-are-you-serious?!  That thought completely rattled me.  I'm trying convince myself that the desire to play in the dirt will probably change when it's my own child, and maybe it actually won't even change, but that doesn't mean that I don't want kids, that I wouldn't love them completely.  I think what I don't like is babysitting.  And maybe, at this point in my life-20 years old-I really don't even have to like the idea of kids, necessarily.  I'm pretty young, I know I want kids at some point.  That's probably enough to actually make it happen (God willing) in the future.
6. 21 years ago, as of yesterday, one of my dearest friends was born into this world and I couldn't be happier.  We celebrated her birthday last night and it was ball upon ball of fun.  It was just a good summer night, although rainy and cool, it was still packing the heat.  A couple of good reunions with friends, BBQ cheeseburgers, and a hundred or so photos later and I'll call that a great time.  I don't drink but man oh man I love to party.  Party hard.

Ok, so that's just a little bit of a surface skim.  I will do my best to uphold this blog to the highest degree of enjoyment and learning.  See you kids in a few!

Somewhere in between Beyonce and Tina Fey is fine by me.

I have three grey hairs on my head.  I sported my first one when I turned 17.  I've never done a cartwheel in my life.  And some days I feel like I'm living in neutral-not falling apart, but not exactly progressing either.  That's the worst place, I think.  If you're going downhill at least it's obvious that something needs to change.  When you're in neutral, it's harder to put your finger on exactly what is making you feel so inadequate.  Or so useless.  Or so lazy.  Whatever it happens to be. 

But then I remember that I actually have a mandate.  There are things that I am supposed to do.  Why is my book still sitting on my computer and not on your nightstand?!  Mmm, not sure.  There is this woman that I want to be, this courageous, big-hearted woman, who is wildly independent but nurturing in spirit and I wonder how I become that woman.  But that woman is me.  I'm already her, just needing to exercise those wildly independent muscles.  You become something when you do it, over and over again.  With practice, it becomes part of your character. So you are capable of whatever it is that you want to.  In fact, that's exactly what you are supposed to do.  You just have to get there.  Start doing it.  Because, no, you're not Beyonce-but whatever it is that you like about her is what you already possess inside of you.  You just have to access it. 

And live life with a sense of urgency, because minutes turn into days which turn into years pretty quickly.  And what have you done with those minutes?  It's not okay (and I'm speaking to myself) to waste the days away when you don't want to.  When you are not content to watch the television all afternoon or take a nap that you didn't need, you are depriving your character.  Rest is necessary.  So is relaxing.  But Tina Fey didn't become one of SNL's best writers by sleeping away her days.  You have to live, even when it's not the easy thing to do.  Because that's when character is built.  That's when you realize that you are exactly who you want to be.

And I'm not size six.  Or married.  Or the world's best mother.  Well-known or wise.  But I'll get there if that's what I want and if I work for it. 

Nevermind.  The best thing about this week was walking to the store at 10pm with my newly-returned-home-from-univeristy friends and picking up a bucket of peanut butter jelly ice cream for myself and then eating it.  Simple nights like that are most wonderful indeed.

Baseball and babies.

I hate signing in to write something and then realizing that it's Friday.  Because then I have to write about my favourite thing and that's not what I signed on to write about.  But I will tell you anyways that my favourite thing was going to the library with a friend, randomly, picking out a book (and foreign film), putting it on her account (because I'm a country kid and not entitled to such things as books), and engrossing myself in the love story of two teenagers, one living, one not.  I read it before bed every night, and sometimes when I wake up in the morning.. err, afternoon.  And there's rows and rows and rows of books that could probably captivate me in the same way.  I just gotta find them.  So I'm going to try to read more, because I actually enjoy it.  More than television (with a few exceptions involving Food Network and Slice). 

So that's that but what I wanted to say that sometimes life throws you a curve ball, and you have no desire to catch that ball, you'd just rather avoid it entirely.  But sometimes your former voice teacher (and friend.. present not former) calls you up while you're in the shower to ask you to come and watch her kids.  And sometimes when you get there she tells you the whole story and it's slightly traumatic and then she asks you if you'd like to come for the next four weeks.  And you want to say no because the daytime is your free time.  You are working almost every night for 8, 9, or more hours.  You wake up late and would like to spend your few free hours working on projects to encourage people, or spending time with friends, motivating them, challenging them.  And then you think about your purpose, what you're trying to do with your life.  Are you trying to make lots of money?  Are you trying to get everyone to like you?  Are you trying to be more like Christ, caring for the needs of anyone and everyone?  Uggh, well that last one is kind of what I was aiming for.  Well then.  You see a need, you fill it. 

I'm not really interested in sacrificing my time to drive twenty minutes out of town to take care of two children whom I don't really know that well-not every day, not on my free time.  But if my goal is really to be Christ, hands, feet, heart and soul on this planet.. well, I bet he would have refreshed his memory on how to change a diaper and been there.  No questions. 

In a completely side side side note, I wish I was better aquainted with the NBA and MLB playoffs that are going on.  I need to become a more rounded sports fan.  It's on the list.  Perhaps I should share the list.

A financial statement.

Has it really been a week? 
Since I last posted?

Oops.  I will say though that I'm on my way to working a 60 hour week in that dingy little kitchen so maybe that will be a good enough excuse?  Probably not, I realize.  Blog comes first.  I realize. 

I woke up at 12:30 this afternoon.  That's borderline disgusting.  I've been in a cycle of sleeping or wishing I was sleeping this week.  Late nights scrubbing dishes until 4 am and then waking up at 6 to go for a morning run.  Whaaat am I doing with my life?  I need to find some structure, asap.  And I have so many projects that need to happen and will inevitably be late because I've been so lazy this week.  I just spent the last hour or so (my last hour or so of freedom before the chef coat goes on) looking at New Era caps and graphic tanks on places like http://www.karmaloop.com/ .  Motivation, where art thou?!  I'll find her (motivation is most obviously a woman, come on people..). 

But today, because today is Friday I'll tell ya something that should be everyone's favourite: God doesn't lie.  Bam.  Big surprise.  My mom told me that if I started not being so clenched-fist with my measly amount of money that I would probably find myself blessed.  So, okay, I started looking at my finances as opportunity.  How can you use that money, dear Melissa?  And suddenly, the money that I have is kind of like a "project bank".  I can use that money to bless others!  I can give to others!  That's what that money is for, actually!  And guess what?  No, I'm not a billionare.  I did not inherit the principality of Monte Carlo or get interviewed by Forbes magazine, but money seems to be coming in at a more fast and furious rate than perviously.  Little things-a cheque from my mother for Easter (which has never before happened), money being stuck in my shoe from a co-worker because I took his closing shift, and other such surprises.  It just feels freeing.  And yes, I'm not saying that I've decided that someone else will cover my debt because I'm too busy spending money on crafting ideas for the masses.  No, there's that whole financial steward business to take care of, but really, anything that comes my way isn't mine in the first place.  It's your (metaphorically).  Well, God's.  But used to bless you in hopes that it brings him glory.  And that's boss.  Killer project. I'm in love.