When you find that X, keep it.

I realize that I didn't write anything yesterday and today is in fact Saturday, the day after Friday.  You must know that I'm sending out my sincerest apologies because I know you guys watch this blog like hawks and the first thing you do when you wake up in the morning is check to see if I've written any more timeless wisdom on here.  I know. 

That being said, I'm afraid to go into work today because last night I totally forgot to take all of the food out of the in-kitchen freezer after I unplugged it.  Ooops.  I only remembered this morning when I opened my own fridge, looking for yogurt.  I hate it when I make mistakes.  I like to be perfect or as close as I can get to it, especially at jobs.  I want to feel as though I'm irreplaceable.  And yes, we're still talking about the kitchen job.  It's not my passion, but I like to do things well.  I think papa George probably instilled that in me as a wee little one.  Anything doing is worth doing well.  And so unwiped microwave handles and pieces of cheese on the floor sometimes plague me at night.  Hopefully I don't get yelled at tonight, but it's really out of my control.  The chicken breast has been thawed.  The fat lady has hit her last note. 

But onto the good... What was my favourite thing about this week?  Sitting cross-legged on the floor in my sunroom patio with the sun shining through the windows and making a storybook for two friends that are leaving for Australia.  I had no idea what kind of parting gift I should give them until suddenly I was struck with the idea for making a story of their trip.  Yusssss.  Parts of it looked a little like a grade two white glue art project, but I'm okay with that.  It was a touching story of two friends and their quest for happiness, taking them across the globe, only to realize that "everything they needed they already had".  So with my foam letters and travel magazines spewed across the floor, I was content.  And to be content is one of the hardest things to find and embrace, I think (complacency is different than contentment and also bad-don't confuse the two).

Here's the cover of the story book. 

Really?

I'm not sure where this is coming from but for the last few days I've really been thinking about what really makes up a woman.  We're liars, cheaters, and manipulators.  We lie about how we feel about ourselves, cheat on our diets, and manipulate others to get what we want.  We're good at it. 

But why do advertising associate themselves with "real women" specifically?  Oh hey.. is that me or am I not included in that demographic?  Am I a real woman because my jean size is in the double digits?  What qualifies myself as a real woman?  If I have a naturally flat chest am I some rare breed of non-woman female.  Because after all, "real women have curves".  That statement, movie title, whatever it actually is has always bothered me.  Helloooooooooo, all women are real women!  Where are all of these fake women out there that we need to distinguish ourselves from?  Yes, we all look different (thank goodness).  And surely some of us care more about our appearance than others (and for varying reasons).  And you guessed it, we all have our fair share of insecurities and respond to them in unique ways.  But just because a woman has augmented breasts or a cosmetically enhanced nose or goes tanning every day... does that make her fake?  Nope.  She's still a living, breathing woman.  And good for her if that's what she wants.  If she's covering up an insecurity, well then obviously I would prefer that she get to the root of the issue.  And this is coming from the girl who would really like to be a size 6 before her birthday. 

Is it something that I need?  Nope. It's just about improvement in all areas of life.  But do not tell me or the girl sitting next to me that we're not women because we don't want to have kids or wear push-up bras or dance all night.  And maybe we do one day.  And maybe we do right now. 

Whatever you do and whoever you are-that is completely womenly.  This was a little bit of a rant and so I admit it's a little unpieced together.  I have a feeling this topic is going to come up again.  You are real, regardless of how you feel or look.  And so is the girl standing in front of you in line at _____________.

If it freaks you out, you should probably do it.

Where would all of the fun in life be if we didn't do things that freaked us out?  That's my favourite thing for today, this week, and hopefully the rest of my life. 

You know when you're in that situation when you could go the extra mile, or could do someone a favour, or say some kind words but then you think, "Oh no, that would be weird."

Stop doing that.

It's only weird because everyone is afraid to do it!  It's only weird to love people relentlessly because it's uncommon.  But it's what we're called to do as Christians.  Love. like. crazy.  After all, we are supposed to mirror the person of Christ, someone who loved all of us sinners enough to die for us?!  ...Eeeeep.  That's some pretty hardcore love.  And that's our job.  Love God.  Love your neighbour (aka everyone). 

And so, I thought to myself, "What better time than Easter to sneak the gospel message into my coworkers' minds than at Easter?"  The plot isn't as devious as it sounds.  But I made all of the boys who were working evening shifts during this weekend a card and a ziplock bag of their favourite chocolate or candy.  First of all, I thoroughly enjoyed spending time on those cards.  They aren't perfect but their homemade-time and a little creative effort went into those.  They're one-of-a-kind, just like those boys.  And yep, I feel like it's super weird of me to give those guys each a card that says John 3:16-17 and a personal note from myself on the inside.  I think it's absolutely strange that I find myself caring about people that I'm not even friends with.  No doubt about it, it's odd.  But it's right.  And why else would I be on this planet than for moments exactly like that?  And no, they probably won't all get converted and be in attendance at church on Sunday but if I am not a light for them, who will be?!  If we aren't lights for our neighbours, our teachers, our peers, and employees.. then who? 

I realize that this is not everyone's "thing".  My DNA has "interested in people" written all over it.  I invest myself in people in record time.  It's always been a gift and a curse-too big of a heart on my sleeve.  But I'm learning about God's idea of what this gift looks like and it's becoming something so liberating for me.  Just love.  Keep loving until you die.  Do nothing else.  Of course, we do other things, but we should never stop loving.  So anyway, that's what I continually find myself to be convicted about.  And on that note, it's cool how different people have different convictions based on what their purpose is.  Fascinating!

You want to see some of the cards?  Well, okay... if you insist.

And that's all that it will let me upload, so that's all you're going to see for now! 

Oh, and I decided that I need to shock my body so I'm giving up refined sugar and wheat for a week.  I could feel my body doing some flipping out earlier.  Super mad at me.  I just need to give it a little detox and we'll be back in fighting shape.  Wish me luck!

I know what the calendar says, but I'm claiming today as the first official day of summer.

Happy Summer!

It's official.  The sun is being pulled by our mighty gravitational force pulled by summer good feelings and denim shorts. That's how it works, right?  Well anyways, it's happening.  It's here.

The first of the "core" friends arrived home from university the other day and we've had our "surprise!" spring snowfall (yesterday) so now that that's out of the way, we're good to go. 

And how did I celebrate?  By waking up at 6 am to go for a run along the riverfront with my friend.  BAM.  Hitting this season up full force.  Well, not quite.  The run definitely left something to be desired (ahem... cardio.).  I was pretty sure I was going to pass out at one point and we finished with the phrase "Well, we definitely know that we need to improve."  Ouch.  But hey, no one ever improves by not getting up at 6 am to run.  So I'm there.  I'm on that improvement road.  Hey-oh!  I hope to see you there too.

But good thing  I was motivated when I got up this morning because this is what greeted me in the kitchen.

Are you kidding me?  Is Jenny Craig so hard up for cash these days that she has to plant boxes of donuts in peoples' kitchens?!  You just can't trust anybody anymore.  And my mom bought a two litre of Root Beer today.  Noooooooo.... I was so focused on trying to quit drinking pop at work.  I don't want that poison in my house!  I'll literally drink all of it.  She also bought Miss Vickies' salt and vinegar kettle cooked chips, but I'm okay with that.

But do you know what's so great about running in the summer?  Even if you are getting up at 6, the sun is already up.  It's so pretty to see the reflection along the water.  I should have taken a picture, but imagine me running with a camera. Hah. 

The other highlight of the day was definitely receiving my ballcaps (do people  call them ballcaps? I'm not sure) in the mail!  Woo!  And equally exciting is the fact that my mother received her new tortilla press as well.  Tortillas are a staple in our diet.  The lack of a tortilla press was starting to get the best of me.  And here's a nice little snapshot of me in one of the caps.  I support Vancouver!  Zing!  Also note the still incomplete tree on my wall.

Well, maybe you're not supposed to see it because I can't upload it.  My apologies because it's a fantastic photo.

My current emotional state is staring me in the face.

I was going to post an entry about how I baked cupcakes today.  I took cute pictures for the sole purpose of posting them on here.  But that's not important. What is important is letting you know that it's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my bed with a big bowl of kettle cooked chips and a can of Coke (which I actually don't even like the taste of..) and I'm feeling sorry for myself. 

That's important.

And why, might you ask?  Because I'm feeling sorry for myself and that's stupid.  I'm neglecting my olive tree and drinking Coca-Cola for goodness sake.  In my book, that spells desperate.  I think maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself because of all the sugar I ate today? (Three different batters and icings to "test out" all before anything was even baked...)  That's one option.  Or maybe because it's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my bed? That's possible, but I don't go to school and I don't work a 9-5 so days of the week don't really have much significance.  So I guess that means that the real reason is because I'm just lonely.  Straight up.  I'm just a lonely little lamb.  And I just want to eat until I'm not lonely anymore.

That quote right there sounds a little too much like Lifetime television network.  I'm sorry.  That's not okay.

But it's basically true.  Because I'm missing this certain person terribly and I'm getting sick of playing the waiting game and I realize that in this specific game I don't really have a say in what goes on.  I don't even really know the rules, actually.  I just wait.  And that's hard.  It makes me doubt myself.  And so I bake cupcakes and paint trees and buy dress patterns not necessarily because I'm trying to distract myself from waiting (but hey, it does help).  No, those are genuine investments of my time.  They make me happy and give me a creative outlet which is one of my life's essentials. 

And I don't think about missing this person most of the time.  I really don't.  But some days, man oh man, some days are like a train headed off a bridge at an impossible speed-an absolute wreck.  There's nothing in front of me.  And yet I know that my future is like sunlight.  I will have to wear shades for the rest of my life because God has got some seriously bright plans for me.  I know that but right now in this moment it's hard to feel that.  And that's okay.  It's not the end of the world.  But it still hurts, you know?  And I feel like I'm-I tried to think of a really good descriptive word but all that I could come up with was-alone. 

It's that bad feeling a person gets when her cell phone doesn't vibrate all day and she starts to think that there's something wrong with her.  And she knows better than to get spooked by a little quietness because it's actually probaby a blessing, but still she's sitting on her bed and the chips are now gone and so is that stupid freaking can of Coke and she's got tears in her eyes.  Oh sure she's got ideas and dreams and blueprints to connect them all up in that sphere of hers but she still feels like she's missing something.  Like all of this is leading up to something else.  And that's a bad way to look at things (in this case) because she should be happy for right now, this very moment in time.  She'll never get these thoughts back. Granted, she doesn't really want them back but the choice isn't hers anyways. 

I just want this so-and-so to be sitting next to me right now.  Right. now. Riiiiiiiight nowwwww. And maybe if I say it enough times my door will open up and bing-o.  But I just looked at my bedrooom door and the knob isn't turning.  He's not coming. And I have to tell myself to remember to put "yet" on the end of that sentence.

He's not coming yet.   

Otherwise I'll convince myself that he's never really coming because I'm never really worth it.  And that's where one bowl of chips will turn into two and that Coke will turn into Fresca and I'll be moody and go to sleep with only half a tree on my wall. 

And half a tree isn't really worth much.  But I guess it's these incomplete moments that give us the strength to keep growing.  Or did I just say that because it would be a delightfully cheesy way to end this rant?

I'm an anomaly and so are you, which actually makes us all really normal.

You're thinking.. two blog posts in one day, isn't that against the rules?  Ya, it probably would be if this blog had rules.  But it doesn't.  I just write when I wanna write about what I wanna write when I wanna write it.  And right now, I wanna write.

I went to the pharmacy to get my pills and while I was waiting for them to get it ready I naturally headed towards the magazine section (mindless occupation for ten minutes).  Amid the promises of flat stomachs and the best summer dress for your figure or whatever else, was a little something special.  Hidden in the second row from the back I see something that looks like it says, wait, yep, it definitely says "Cupcakes".  Zing.  Score.  Boom boom pow. That's what I'm talking about.  So I skim through the magainze and it's picture perfect cuteness on every page.  Well, it was something crazy like $13.95 so I didn't buy it but the day is not over yet.  It will probably be mine before nightfall. 

And as I got in my car and kept thinking about a certain peanut butter chocolate cupcake that I would like to try garnishing with dark chocolate covered bacon, the stereo comes on and Wiz Khalifa  is telling me that if I ever need him, he'll roll up.  Promising. 

But it gets me thinking.. the same girl that stands in the store aisle fantasizing about garnishes on cupcakes is the same one who plays hip hop in her little spacepod of a car because hip hop just makes sense to me. 

For all of my life I never thought I looked god in a hat (the way my hair flared out from underneath perhaps?) but who is the proud owner of a newly acquired membership to http://www.lids.com/ ?  This kid.  I've never owned a ball cap in my life (not true... but I don't really have any fond memories) and in general anything near my forehead will make it itchy but for some reason I'm the giddiest girl in the world just thinking about my shipment of head gear arriving.  Mind you, they are pretty cool hats.

I'm a full blooded Mennonite (who, for those of you who don't know, are not naturally rhythmically inclined what-so-ever... probably because dance-like movements were considered sexual and thus forbidden, or something like that) and love to dance like I love to breathe.  And I'm not trying to brag but I go hard when I dance.  No two-stepping.  I'm breaking my back and throwing my neck out.  Movement just frees me.  I wish I lived in a city where I could attend a just-for-fun hip hop dance class.  One day.. For now I'll just spend 45 minutes dancing in the bathroom instead of hopping in the shower.  I will be one of the first cousins on both sides to have a dance floor at my wedding.  It's a little bit unheard of.  I can't imagine a day like that without one.  Dancing = ultimate celebration.

I wrote a book, I love writing this blog, I love writing on peoples' Facebook walls.  I love writing... but it pains me to keep a journal.  I actually hate it enough that I don't do it.  Every other writing outlet is fun but journaling is intimidating so it has become torturous.  I would encourage every person on the planet to keep a journal because I know how important it is but I just can't bring myself to do it.  Weird.

And those are just a few examples.  I'm a walking contradiction.  Aren't we all?  Aren't we all bigger than the box that people-that WE-like to put ourselves in?  Yeah, we are.  Undefineable.  And that's exciting.  You can never totally figure yourself out.  You'll never completely know the person you're in love with, there's always something more for you to figure out.  There's always something you don't know about the girl that sits next to you in 19th Century Literature class.  And we're all different.  No combination is the same.  It's like an endless Coldstone Creamery (dynamite ice cream shop).  You think I'm a coffee ice cream with Snickers and pecans, and you'd be right.. but only partially.  I'm a million flavours and then some, and so are you.  And sometimes you might think that I'm an odd mix (mint chocolate ice cream with cookie dough maybe) but it's all relative.  And it's all beautiful!  You. are. so. beautiful.  If you weren't aware of it before, you are now.  And whne you know better, you do better.  So start acting like you know that you're beautiful.  (Don't get this confused with insecurity masked by conceited behaviour.. there's a big difference.)

I'm convinced that it's okay to be late for work if you just got caught up in the moment while dancing in your room.

Ahhh! How does Friday sneak up on me so quickly?!  I still have to run to the pharmacy to pick up my birth control that I was supposed to take this morning.  Oh well, it's not like I even have the potential of having a baby scare (and that's the way I like it, ps.). 

My tree is about a third done and on the wall!  Accomplishment!  I should paint a little bit more today.  I haven't even started on the stencils.  I'm not really sure what I've been doing this week.  I worked every day except yesterday but I didn't even start painting yesterday until 11pm.  Oh wait, I did have a fantastic lunch with some friends.  Like, we could barely eat or talk because we were laughing so much.  At stupid stuff.  Facial expressions.  Accidental spitting.  You know... We were those giddy 16 year olds who just got their licenses and are finally free from their parents' supervision.  That was us.  And I got a monte cristo sandwich!  I didn't even know something so good existed!  French toast sandwich?!  Cheesy french toast sandwich with ham and turkey... and maple syrup to dip it in?!  Sold.  I made a poor choice and got french fries with it.  Wow, those two things do not complement each other whatsoever.  But the sandwich was incredible. 

And then I had cake last night.  I mixed peanut butter and chocolate and poured it over the vanilla cake and put cut-up bananas on top.  And then I had another piece today... with blueberry syrup, whipped cream, and pecans.  Diet starts tomorrow!  Kidding.  The diet starts never.  But I got a text from my friend telling me that she's coming home next week and ready to start early morning runs along the riverfront..  Oh, that's nice.  How does that apply to me?  But she roped me in, which I'm excited about and terribly afraid of at the same time. 

Anyways, since it's Friday I just want to tell you that my favourite thing this week people who know how to do their job correctly.  I went to the doctor because my scalp was so dry that I had a perma-winter wonderland look going on.  Not cute.  I told her, she took two seconds to look at my scalp, wrote down a prescription and BAM... scalp is lookin' mighty fine.  I realize that it was probably pretty simple for her or anyone else in the medical field to subscribe the correct kind of scalp medication.  But I couldn't have done it!  I don't have that information in my brain.  So, for the fact that we need people to go through 8 years of school to be able to remember every kind of scalp lotion, I'm very glad.  What if she would have cheated her way through med school?!  What if she told me that she would have to mull it over for a week before she could suggest a proper lotion?  That would be crazy!  So, let's appreciate those people in our lives that we only ever interact with when we need something.  Easier said than done, because I still hate waiting 45 minutes in the doctor's office.  This applies to more than just doctors.. this actually literally applies to everyone who has a role to play in our day.  Bus drivers, professors, janitors, postal workers, and goodness me every other person under the sun.  Someone made your shirt and they did it right.  Could you have made your shirt?  Something to think about!  And of course, don't discredit what you, yourself bring to the world's table.  I'm sure it's delicious.

Such good vibes! ...but that might be the paint fumes talking.

Project "Paint my wall" is underway.  I'm loving it.  It's a terribly slow process because paint has a habit of taking a long time to dry (kind of inconsiderate).  And I have a job (also inconsiderate).  So we're not exactly synched for optimum speediness.  That's alright though.  I'm enjoying having my room condensed and stacked and unaccessible.  I wouldn't be surprised if I just keep starting new projects and keep moving my room around to accomodate.  I've got three walls left people, anything is possible! 

I've opened my window to circulate some air and it's so warm outside.  Summer is on its way, avoiding all the speed limit signs on the way.  It will be here before we know it.  And I have to say that I rather enjoy not stressing about finals and papers and school in general at this time. 

And I have a really good feeling about this summer.  I sincerely hope that I'm not jinxing it by saying that so often, but it just feels special.  I think it has a lot to do with the head space I'm in (not at this very moment per se, because I'm not sure about that...).  Last summer I couldn't wait to get myself out to British Columbia.  This summer I just want to live.  I want to spend evenings up at my friend's cabin, afternoons getting ice cream at the marina on the waterfront, have board game nights, tons of s'mores, and play road hockey like we're getting paid for it.  That and a billion other things.  But that's definitely a start. 

I want to capture everything on film.  I want to brainstorm and create because the days are longer and my skin is darker.  My mind is hopefully brighter.  But right now, I gotta shower just so I can smell like kitchen after work. Heh.  Good life.

Oh, and this... we'll just call it "potential".

I give you permission to punch me in the face if I ever start a sentence with, "Well Martha Stewart says..."

I'm so excited to talk about what I'm up to right now!  Projects galore!  Wooo-eeeee. 

I just returned from Wal-Mart with two quarts of paint: deep onyx and boudoir.  I also have an overhead projector and some wise words from some wise women that are floating around in my head.  I'm trying to create a wall of inspiration.  That's all I'll say for now I guess because I'm not exactly sure what direction it's going to take but I will keep posting pictures!

I am finding myself b-lining it straight to the craft section of every store that I run into.  It's hilarious because crafting was something that either bored me or intimidated me.  Either way, I didn't do it.  And now it's all I want to do.  It's such a great release of creative energy.  Daaang it.  I just remembered that I was supposed to buy seasoning salt at Wal-Mart.  Oh well, that's what tomorrow is for I suppose.

I finally gathered some material to make my first dress!  I could have spent hours in that fabric store so I just grabbed something cute off the first shelf closest to the door.  I'm kind of in love with the pattern, but I'm kind of a sucker for romance so it's not a surprise.  My aunt (a sewing wizard) is coming over on Tuesday to help me cut out all the pieces necessary.  I really, really hope that I'm good at this, or that if I'm not good at it at least I will have the will power to continue until I get good.  I really want to make a cropped "blazer" from this yellow and grey striped material that I saw.  I fantasize about putting mis-matched buttons on it.  Haha. 

So that's basically what I'm working on right now.  I am doing another edit of my book as well.  But that's just fun.  I enjoy reading myself, not because I'm particularly scholarly; it's just interesting to visit thoughts that I had a year or less ago.

Sneak peak your heart out, here's what I'm obsessed with right now.

I call it, "Olive tree on clear paper".  I really connected with the trees' symbolism in the book "The Lexus and the Olive Tree: Understanding Globalization".  Mm.. 2 nerd points for me.  I'm really excited about this though!  This is where the paint comes in.  And maybe a video set to music...

So good riiiight?!  It's just screaming tea party on a sail boat at sunset, I think.  Hopefully I don't butcher it.  My fingers are perma-crossed.  Please, feel free to do likewise.

Uh ya, that's my recently extracted wisdom tooth in my mouth.  You're going to think that's gross I'm pretty sure.  That's okay though.  I got big hopes for this little guy.  And I have a lot of appreciation for him because he caused me no pain.  I figured he deserved a chance to show himself to the world.  He's been hiding in the back of my mouth for 20 years, after all.  Maybe I'll dress him up in a tuxedo... No, I'm probably just going to make him into some kind of necklace.  Wish me luck!

It's ma fave.

Greetings from my bed!

I ran around town all day picking up assorted items for various projects that I plan to execute in the near future. 

But today is Friday and that means that I get to share with you something that I love.  Really I could sum it up in one word and just say "cheese" and be done with it but I feel like I owe it to cheese to give a really special blog entry... more prep time would be necessary.  So today, I'll just tell you that I love to nibble.  It's my favourite. 

I love to stand over the stove and eat the roasted chicken while it's still in the pan, eat the potatoes while they are sitting on the pan after dinner losing heat.  I like to take a fork and eat two bites of chocolate cake that's sitting in the tupperware container.  And then I like to come back in five minutes and eat another two bites, and on and on.  And I like to eat it standing in the corner of my kitchen.  Barefoot.  If I lived by myself I would have a fridge full of half eaten sandwiches, casseroles, and pies.  I always like to leave a little bit and then come back to it.  Haha.

And I might as well add that eating baked cheese off the sides of glassware is one of my favourite hobbies.  It's a skill really, so I feel justified in calling it a hobby instead of just calling it unhealthy.

And here is what I ate tonight, and what I'll probably continue to eat tonight because it's delicious.

Can I just say...?

Can I just say that there are certain things that I expect out of life for the simple reason that it's the way that I envisioned it?  Everyone does.  And suddenly when there is a "glitch" in our plans it makes us question everything. 

Can I just say that it's kind of funny how we, mortal and finite creatures, try to plan out our lives while we are not even capable of knowing what will happen one tenth of a second before it does?  We have zero foresight and yet we still have expectations.  Humorous, really.

Yet the expectations are very real and very personal.  There are certain things we believe will happen for us because they happen for "everyone else".  We know that it's not true; there are plenty of people in our lives that have had less than perfect circumstances but we still hold onto the hope that we will be spared.  And when something awful does happen, it's such a shock.  It really is.  It's a surprise because once again, we have no foresight, only dreams. *I mean literal foresight.   Plenty of people posses an ability to realize the potentially beneficial outcomes of a situation all while being encompassed in tragedy.

So anyways, here are some of my personal (but common) things I expect.  I am writing this because my eyes are being opened to the possibility of not experiencing these things.  I think it's good to look at what I expect in life and then see where it comes from. 

1. My dad walks me down the aisle at my wedding. 
2. My body has the ability to concieve and give birth to a child (and more than just one if that's what I want).
3. I'm always able to walk, talk, and breathe by myself.

It sounds like kind of a morbid list, but it's just three (of many) concrete expectations I have for life.  I've always assumed that none of them would be compromised, enough so that I hadn't even really thought of them as expectations.  They just were.  And it actually disturbs me at the suggestion that any of those (or any of the others that I have) could be subject to reality.  But it happens all the time.  That's life I guess.

So can I say that it's good to have expectations for life?  Can I also say that it's good to know where your foundation is so that if life isn't exactly as you blueprint-ed it that you'll still be okay?  And that it's okay to be disappointed for awhile?  Oh, and it's good to dream.  As long as I'm rooted in my faith, it's okay for me to have big expecations because, after all, I answer to a big God.  And he has a better plan for everything than I do.  And enter foresight, stage left.

Late Night Television Makes Me Hungry

I'm just sitting up in the dark watching "Man vs. Food" and I thought I would chime in on this little bell of a blog.  It was a breakfast edition.  I just want to have my own kitchen and spend my time making giant cinnamon buns and skillets with killer pan fries. That's my teenage dream.

Also, I've decided that it's time to expand my craftiness.  I'd really like to conquer sewing, or at least become acquainted with it.  I was at the mall today and being the broke-as-a-joke that I am, I was only really there to peruse.  So I was in American Eagle, which I've typically found to be a reasonably priced store, and I noticed that a little see-through shoulder shawl sweater was $40 on sale!  Since when does that constitute as a sale?  Does this sweater have magical powers?  Can it make me speak fluent Portuguese?  It didn't even look like it would keep me an ounce warmer than my bare shoulders could.  Goodness.  I can't keep up with these prices.  I decided right there, in the middle of that store, that I could sew my own summer sundresses and cutesy little tops.  I'm not sure if I'll ever actually do it, but I'd like to.  I'd also like to start fixing up items found at second-hand stores and garage sales.  Lanterns turned into chandeliers, re-upholstered furniture, etc, etc, the world is mine, etc.  So basically I want to be every woman.  Well, I don't really care if I'm that good at cleaning.  Wait, yes I do.  Dang it.  Oooh, I don't really care about having my own garden... although fresh herbs would be nice.  Whatever.  One step at a time.

I'd also like to say that I've had probably the most relaxing vacation of my life this weekend.  I'm (still) at my friend's house a few hours away from home and loving every minute.  I came with her sister and we've just been ch-ch-ch-chilling the entire time.  Honestly.  We went out to get Quizno's for lunch yesterday.  And then went out for dinner (I ordered steak for the first time! woah! peach bbq sauce with crispy cajun onions! yes please!!!!) and then to Metro to buy junk food because we're such gremlins.  And then we just housed ourselves up in here and lazed about the couch, laughing at anything and everything.  Today we went to the mall and I bought a Nike shirt that said "It's good to be king" on it.  Haha.  I'm a complete sucker for inspiration sports culture.  Movies, attire, commercials-I'm all over it.  In my head, I'm the world's biggest sports fan.

Then we picked up some Dairy Queen Hot Eats in the middle of an almost literal blizzard and came back to the homestead to hibernate once again.  Even though we didn't do much of anything, it still has been an absolute blast.  It feels so good to be away from the small town, the house, the job.  I have definitely found an oasis in a dessert.  I'll be back.  I love a good road trip.

I'm going to go raid the fridge for the last lemon tart/slice of pecan cheesecake/hot wings/Activia yogurt.

Have a killer night,

Honey Bee

Yep, we are!

Wow.

Wow wow wow.

Ok, so last night after washing my face and brushing my teeth I turned off the light and snuggled in bed and had a conversation with God.  I wanted to get all of the other distractions out of my head before I spoke with him.  I wanted it to be the last thing I did before I started my sleep cycle. 

While I was lying in bed I told God that I didn't want this book to be a selfish project, that I really believed it was his book and that I was willing to do whatever he wanted with it.  I told him that I wanted to follow his lead and not pursue something that wasn't from him. 

And I woke up this morning and ate my strawberry mini wheats and talked with my dad about how he was feeling.  Then I remembered the book and I prayed again.  At first I wanted to ask God for a sign to show me what to do, but then I told him that I didn't want to live my life waiting for signs from him.  I want to live my life boldly and in the spirit, not timid and unsure.  I want to live with faith.  I'm reading about the Israelites' exodus from Egypt right now and I think about the kind of faith that Moses must have had.  I thought about that while I was praying.  I want to be a leader and leaders are convicted, they are passionate, and they aren't afraid of "unsure" circumstances because they have a hope. 

Shortly after my mom came in the room to hang up some clothes in my closet and I told her about "the feeling" I had yesterday.  I was surprised that I shared with her because we had a little bit of a fight yesterday and normally I remain very reserved when we've had an argument.  For some reason though, I felt I should tell her.  I signed onto Facebook and saw that someone posted a song called "Keep Shining" by Shad on their wall.  I was reminded of the inspirational message to women in this song and I put it on repeat. 

Then, a timid knock on my door.  The little boy that my mom was babysitting was holding out an envelope for me.  It was from Kiersten, a friend that I met at Trinity Western University in the fall.  I didn't even know that she had my mailing address; I certainly wasn't expecting a letter from her.  I opened up the envelope to find this card (pictured below).  On the front cover was a picture of a book open on a chair.  Melissa, you have a story to tell.  It's time. 

Wow.

I was blown away.  I had told God that I didn't want to rely on signs, but on faith and he rewarded me by giving me a sign anyway!  I read it to my mom, both of us amazed at the appropriateness of the words on the card.  Immediately I wrote on Kiersten's wall, not wanting to text her because it was only 8:30 in the morning where she is and I know that she loves to sleep in.  To my surprise, immediately a "1" popped up in my notifications.  She commented on my wall post!  Why is she awake?!  And then, a chat message from her popped up on my screen.  And then a Skype session ensued.  For some reason she couldn't sleep so she was wide awake and on Facebook.  We had a great, encouraging conversation about how great God is and the uniqueness of our lives and how he has a story for each of us.  She had seen the card in a book store and immediately thought of me and had known that she needed to send it to me, for whatever reason.  I feel so blessed.

And so, for Friday's "My Favourite" things, I'd have to say that smart, inspirational, counter-cultural music is what I love.  The kind of music that ignites a fire inside of you, that makes you realize your potential, and that is absolutely everything that you stand for. Here's the song I was listening to this morning: